Almost all of us have heard it personally or seen it on television, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you anymore.” Truth is people don’t dip in an out of love. Rather, there are different types of love. Generally when a man says he’s not in love anymore, he really means you’re a great person but you’re not the one for him. It is likely the relationship was primarily based on infatuation, romance, and surface-level intimacy which, like beauty, are fleeting.
Of course, if this is the case, you would probably opt against sticking around and allowing your feelings to intensify. No one enjoys growing to love someone to then be let down. The solution: be proactive and take heed to cues of forthcoming rejection:
1. He’s suddenly Mr. M.I.A.
“It’s not you, it’s me.” Reality check dear Queen of Rationalization: It’s you. For whatever reason you just didn’t do “it” for him, the fire has fizzled and he’s ready to move on. Men don’t suddenly become too busy to call. They prioritize time for the ladies they love.
2. The little things don’t matter.
It used to bother him that you eat chips like Cookie Monster. It used to irk him to no end when your mother called constantly. Now, he could care less or so it seems; but, in actuality, he’s silently rejoicing. Why? He has no intentions of being around much longer.
3. He starts turning his phone off.
People may silence their phones, but only a select few turn them off. If someone who’s constantly connected suddenly decides they need to unplug, take it as a warning. His interests have probably taken a detour.
4. He’s not interested in keeping you in.
Most guys don’t want wifey hitting the clubs and happy hour. They want them home or somewhere with them, kept and safe. If he doesn’t care about where you go, who you go with, and how long you’re going to be gone, he doesn’t really care about you anymore.
5. The open book that was his life is suddenly closed.
He used to share exciting news, express emotions, and share the details of his days. And, you didn’t have to pry. Now, he’s giving you one-word answers and downplaying the existence of eventfulness. Conservations are blah. Why? He can’t divulge any more personal information to the (what could become vindictive) woman he’s dumping.
6. You’re equals.
He used to try to take over the “manly” details of your life—taking your car for oil changes, moving heavy furniture, etc. Now, it’s O.K. for you to do these things for yourself and he doesn’t break a sweat without request. Translation: You have been demoted from your place on a pedestal and entered “buddy zone.”
Maya Angelous is quoted as saying, “When people show you who they are believe them.” I say, when guys show you what they want and it’s not you, leave them.
LaShaun Williams is a culture and relationship columnist, blogger and commentator. Her work has been featured on popular urban websites and she has made appearances on several radio shows. Williams is also the voice behind Politically Unapologetic, where she unabashedly discusses pop culture, relationships and everything in between. Follow @itsmelashaun on Twitter or Facebook.
