Desperation is about as attractive as Rick Ross in a Speedo. You can’t let your excitement or passion for the apple of your eye cause you to sacrifice your dignity and poise; not only will you do yourself a great disservice, you might turn off the very person that has gotten you all turned up! Check out the difference between a desperate reaction and a confident one to common dating situations. Proceed with pride.
Scenario: Your honey was supposed to give you a ring at 8pm; it’s 9:15 and you haven’t heard a word.
Desperate Reaction: You call him every five or so minutes and leave increasingly urgent text and voice messages. And you tweet “Where is @myboo?”
Confident Reaction: You give him a ring OR send him a text with the message “Hey, hope everything’s okay. Were you gonna give me a call? About to head out in a few.” And you keep your night moving. You are allowed to check his Twitter timeline to see if he’s updating it while failing to respond to you, but you better not publicly announce that you are looking for him.
Scenario: You’re chatting it up with a cutie from one of your grad school classes and suggest that the two of you get together for coffee sometime. He says “That would be cool, but my schedule is just crazy these days.”
Desperate Reaction: You say “Well, maybe we can bring our books and make it a study date. Actually, I could let you see my rough draft of the final paper, since I’m already almost finished…”
Confident Reaction: You reply “No worries, I totally understand.” More often than not, “I’m too busy” is a code for “I don’t want to.” In the case that it isn’t, you’ve already put your interest out there, so there’s no need to do more.
Scenario: A guy you just started kicking it with makes mention of hitting up a local bar which was not on your radar for the evening; he doesn’t specifically invite you to join him there.
Desperate Reaction: You convince the crew to re-route the evening’s plans to the bar and just “happen” to run up on old boy.
Confident Reaction: Say “Let me know how its looking over there. My girls and I are still trying to figure out what the plan is for the night.” If he invites you, you and the homies are free to go kick it…just don’t shut the party down. Go chill for a spell and head to the next spot.
Scenario: You meet a guy at a barbecue and exchange numbers. He seemed really interested in you and the feeling is mutual.
Desperate Reaction: You text him later that same evening: “Just wanted to make sure you got my contact info saved. It was great meeting you! What do you have planned for tonight or tomorrow?”
Confident Reaction: Wait a day or so before hitting him up. You just met. Chill.
Scenario: You meet a really cool guy at a party and leave without exchanging information.
Desperate Reaction: You ask every single person who went to his alma mater/is in his fraternity/lives in his neighborhood how you can get in touch with him. You search him on all social networks and add him on a few.
Confident Reaction: If you have a friend in common who attended the party who may be able to make the connection without coming off with a thirst bucket, ask them to do so (i.e. if he was invited by your friend from college who knows him from work, it should be cool to ask him to link you). If that isn’t the case, look him up on Facebook. If you all have a good number of mutual friends, feel free to send a request; if not…just hope you run into each other again.
