“I revealed too much too soon. I was an emotional sl*t.” – Carrie Bradshaw
Do you find yourself going above and beyond to connect with every man you date? Do you ever leave dinner thinking, “He probably didn’t need to know I’m insecure about my weight?”
While some women are more guarded than North Korea’s southern border, others are so eager for a relationship that they instantly dive in, head first. By the end of the first date, he knows the details of her childhood, how her father hurt her, why she had sex with half of the football team in college and the ways celibacy has changed her approach to dating.
He doesn’t need to know all of that.
Purging your emotional ups and downs to a man who barely knows you is the last thing an eligible bachelorette should do. In some ways it makes you appear more desperate than the physically promiscuous girls looking for love in bed. It’s equivalent to giving it up on the first night and then trying to start a serious relationship. In an attempt to resell yourself for more dates, you become like a used car salesman. Who wants pre-owned baggage when they can get something (that at least seems) shiny and new?
A woman without mystery leaves nothing to be desired. Tell a man everything about you and he doesn’t go home hungry for more. It’s important to take your time establishing emotional connections. See if he likes the surface before you open up your heart.
Revealing too much too soon doesn’t only make you seem anxious, but it also puts you in a compromising position. All nice guys aren’t good guys; and, someone who hasn’t even committed to you as a loyal friend is suspect to share your personal business. The very same way sex tapes are leaked, your skeletons could be involuntarily exposed to people you may or may not know.
Boundaries are needed for more than physical intimacy, we need them to preserve and protect our emotions, too. Try preventing diarrhea of the soul by following these rules:
1. Don’t discuss any hang-ups with men (father, stepfather, ex-boyfriends, etc.).
Ex and Daddy baggage scream insecure, possibly desperate and potentially clingy. This is information guys don’t need to know before date number four.
2. Keep sex-speak to a minimum.
Have you done “it” or not? That’s all he needs to know. Your total number of sexual partners is none of his business. Plus, you don’t want to start any relationship off with lies…
3. Accept compliments.
Take the compliments given and don’t rag on yourself. Be confident. Insecurity is a sign of weakness and predators smell blood.
4. Ask more questions than you answer.
Get to know things about him and create conversation based on some of those connections. That way you can give substantial bits without all of the pieces.
5. Keep your medical history confidential.
Unless you’re HIV-positive, medical ailments should be kept private. There’s nothing cute or Hot about Irritable Bowel Syndrome.
Think of these guidelines as emotional condoms. Use regularly.
LaShaun Williams is a culture and relationship columnist, blogger and commentator. Her work has been featured on popular urban websites and she has made appearances on several radio shows. Williams is also the voice behind Politically Unapologetic, where she unabashedly discusses pop culture, relationships and everything in between. Follow @itsmelashaun on Twitter or Facebook.
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