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A little dose of jealousy can be healthy; it means that you’re invested in the relationship, that you’re very attracted to your partner, and that you give a damn what happens to the two of you. Your partner shouldn’t be totally cool with you sharing a bed with one of your male friends–he should raise an eyebrow if not say, “Nope.” If he couldn’t care less about that, he might just not care about the relationship at all.

And you should feel a little blood boiling when your partner gets late-night drinks with a female coworker who you know has a thing for him. That means that you care. But, jealousy can go too far. There is a difference between being concerned and being possessive (and in handcuffs because you stalked his female friend.) So, when it comes to being jealous, where is the line between healthy and unhealthy jealousy?

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Image Source: Shutterstock

When he mentions that one name

If there is one woman your boyfriend talks about a lot–maybe a coworker or a friend–who he constantly says is so funny and so smart and such a catch, you can get jealous. You should be the only woman who takes up that much of his head space.

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Shutterstock

Not wanting him to rage every night

Guy time is important–sure. But if your boyfriend is in a relationship (and happy to be in it) his cravings for guy nights, spent drinking at mostly singles bars, should diminish. If he still does this several nights a week, you have a right to be jealous. You deserve a little more of his time–certainly more than the random women at bars.

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Not wanting him to see friends

If you don’t want him to hang out with his single, male friends at all for fear that they’ll bring him back to “their side” or influence him to cheat, you’ve gone too far. You need to trust your partner enough to let him go to a mostly-singles bar. Newsflash: life is a mostly singles bar. Are you going to lock your partner inside?

Jealous women friends

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When his female friend gets more of his time

Your boyfriend can certainly have a female best friend. But it’s only natural, when you get into a serious relationship, to spend more time with your romantic partner than your friends. Romantic relationships take more constant interactions to simply survive. So if your partner is spending as much if not more time with a female friend than he is with you, you are right to feel, “Wait so…who is your girlfriend here?”

Corbis

Corbis

You don’t like when he flirts

Hey, he had to build that flirting muscle nice and strong for years while he was single. It’s how he found you! It’s hard for him just to turn that flirt impulse off when a cute server is being sweet to him. You can call him out when he’s laying it on too thick.

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Image Source: Shutterstock

He doesn’t defend you online

He may still have some old flames who don’t know he’s taken now. These old flames might post messages on his Facebook like, “You’re looking good. What’s new?” If he doesn’t tell them that what is new is, well, you, then you have a right to get up in arms.

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You like a general idea of what he’s up to

When you become close to somebody, it’s normal to want to know what they’re up to. This helps you know if and when you can say yes to things you’re invited to as a couple, and it just keeps you in the loop on exciting and important events in your partner’s life.