Is This Petty? I Look At Him Differently Due To His Sexual Past

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You remember the sixth season of Sex and the City where Carrie meets Aleksandr Petrovsky?

He was older, a renowned artist, mysterious, and handsome. And he had that whole Russian accent going on. Sexay!

And not to mention, he was very well established, so he was able to go all out on their first date. They were cute together, right?

Well, we know that soon after meeting he makes her breakfast after they finally have sex, and slowly but surely, she finds out that he’s been “out here” as we like to say in the MN office. His staff isn’t phased by her being in his apartment because well, as Samantha put it, “You don’t think you’re the first babe he buttered up for?”

Carrie ended up doing her research and letting Samantha’s words get into her head to the point where she was actually somewhat put off by his past. Because, in her mind, “The man has dated every woman in New York from 1977 until, well, until last Wednesday.”

But after conversing with “The Russian,” he made it clear that she was the only woman he was courting. They both realized it was too soon in their dating situation to be so pressed. So, she was able to get over it.

But other women, in real life and in more long-term relationships, aren’t able to “get over it” so easily. Like the woman who shared her distress over the reality that she can’t seem to move on from the fact that her boyfriend, older than her by almost 10 years, had messed around with so many women before they got together. One, in particular, harassed her on social media and even found her phone number to let her know that she was going to get her man back. It was a fight that delusional lady lost. And while the boyfriend hasn’t cheated and didn’t expect his ex to come out swinging in such an absurd way, his current girlfriend can’t get past, well, his past. And this is super common. There are countless threads online with women saying stuff like this:

“I have this feeling of sadness I live with all the time because I know that he will never be just mine, that all those other girls have a piece of him and I wonder how much he thinks about the still especially when he’s with me.”

And this:

“My boyfriend told me the other day how many sexual partners he’s had. I was turned off by the number and kind of disgusted. A bit too many women. Super slutty. And now I see him in a different light.”

And this, which was a bit of a mess:

“He has slept with my older sister, I found out, one of her friends, who I know slept with anything with legs, and another one of her friends. Sure it was years ago but it still bothers me horribly.”

And one woman even sought out a therapist because her boyfriend, who had been married twice before and had 50 sexual partners has a past that is just haunting their relationship.

So how does a woman move forward when she’s stuck in the past–particularly, the past of her partner?

My fiancé used to get around here and there. He never told me the number because he knew I would probably let it bother me, but he told me lighthearted stories during conversations that just seemed to add up to more than just a few women here and there. I’m not going to put all of his business out there, but there were moments early in our relationship where I was turned off by it. Especially since I was a virgin. But I’m not sure what happened. Eventually, I think I started focusing more on us, rather than women I didn’t know, never had a conversation with, never met and didn’t care about. His past was not really my business–as long as it stayed in the past.

I think all the situations mentioned are different, though. There’s something about people’s exes coming out of the shadows to put a bug in your ear that probably is too hard to handle. And sleeping with someone’s sister?! Dude. #regretonfleek

But if you’re struggling with such a situation, you have to ask yourself if what he did before you is enough to put an end to what he has with you now. Because the reality is, you’re going to find very few men, let alone people, who have the cleanest of slates when it comes to their sex life…

But as always, that’s just my opinion. Is it petty to let his sexual past put a roadblock in front of your relationship?