Dear, dear ladies of Madame Noire. We know you all are righteous, up-standing women who would never eva eva eva be so crass as to end a relationship with a man in a less than regal fashion. * giggle * The following list of reckless ways to break up with someone is by no means meant to be a guide, but provide a “Oh, women do things such as this?” moment as you sip your mint julep and fan yourself on your porch.
Mmmhmm….
1. Via Text Message
Email is bad too, but the text really stabs at the heart, doesn’t it? His phone gives that familiar * ding * and he reaches in his pocket, kind of excited to find out who is thinking of him at that very moment. Your name pops up, he smiles. He reads the message, he frowns and depending on what kind of dude he is he might cry, text you back with question marks, blow up your phone or shrug and keep it moving. Breaking up via text is cold and cowardly. I don’t recommend such an action. Even if a guy is the worst of the worst, you wouldn’t want to spend the energy sending him a text message.
Possibly Justified Use: If you two are a strictly online couple (never met), then it’s fine to chuck deuces via technological means.
2. The Berger Approach
Hi there fellow Sex and the City fans! You remember Berger don’t you? Mmmhmmm. He broke up with Carey via a post-it note. Out cold. She was none too pleased of course and we’re sure your (ex) boo wouldn’t be too happy with your low-tech peace sign to the relationship.
Possibly Justified Use: Ummmm
If you’re gonna show up and show out, do it right, baby.
3. Show Up With the New Piece
Just imagine the look on his face when you show up to the spot you KNOW he will be and strut up in there draped on some fine man’s arm. Kodak moment for sure. This is not really a good idea though especially, with testosterone levels and such. Might want to save this one for the movies.
Possibly Justified Use: If you know he’s going to show up with the chick he creeps on you with, you could consider matching the ratchet factor…if you’re that type of chick.
4. At His Job
Nothing says no-home training like showing up to someone’s job for anything other than business purposes. Breaking up with your man at his place of employment is just so….wrong.
Possibly Justified Use: If you’re concerned about his reaction in a more private setting, giving him the deuces at his job forces him to maintain a certain level of act-right.
5. On Vacation
The welcome drinks to the Caribbean villa have been sipped, many a day has been lazed away swinging in a hammock on the beach and you just have one more thing left to do—dump him! Hey, when it’s time, it’s time.
Possibly Justified Use: If he got on your very last nerves during the trip and the vacation was sort of your last ditch effort to make things worse, gone ahead and avoid catching a case on the plane by booking a separate flight for yourself. Upgrade to first class while you’re at it.
6. Stop Showing Up
“Meet you at 6 o’ clock? Ok. See you then.” No call, no show, repeatedly. Your actions are definitely speaking louder than your words if you stand dude up time and time again. It’s one heck of a (cowardly) hint that you aren’t feeling him anymore.
Possibly Justified Use: There isn’t one really. If you agree to meet him and then you don’t, that’s not cool at all.
