ou Think You're Impressing Us, But You're Really Trying Too Hard

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There’s no bigger turn off than a man who tries too hard to win you over. Let’s be clear: there is a difference between a man who is open about the fact that he adores you, wants to impress you and believes you deserve the best and a man who wants you to believe that he is the best. The former is endearing and forthcoming and the latter is obnoxious. When will men learn that there is nothing more attractive than someone who is humble, kind and honest about who he is? Hopefully soon, because until then, women everywhere will be forced to endure these things men do when they are trying way, way too hard. And men, whoever you are, you may think you are the exception—that you can get away with this behavior. You don’t. At least not with any woman worth dating.

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Telling us how charitable you are

You do charity? Great. Then do it. Don’t talk about it. Honestly, doing a good deed and then announcing it to the world undoes most of the goodness in it. If you’re a kind and giving person, your date will realize that without you showing her the forty photos of you volunteering with orphaned elephants. You’re clearly more into showing off than giving anything.

Mentioning your impressive college

Intelligence is another thing your date will pick up on. You don’t need to shove it in her face, by mentioning your professor at Yale, or your frat at Cornell, or the alumni party you’ll be attending for Stanford. You know what’s truly intelligent? Letting your intelligence speak for its own damn self.

Talking about spending money

Don’t try to pull the whole, “Ugh. I dropped way too much on this condo” line, as if we’re going to think, “Aaah. He worries about putting money aside.” Nuh-uh. We see right through that. You want us to know how much money you have.

Talking about saving money

Talking about all of the money you’re putting aside to buy a house or start your own business one day isn’t attractive either. If you pay for dinner, we’ll be impressed enough. If you stop bragging and ask us about, oh, I don’t know, us, we’ll be even more thrilled.

Saying you’re not worthy

Somewhere along the line men got the idea that women like to feel better than their dates. Men will go on and on about how they’re not worthy of their dates gorgeous company. Guys, it’s uncomfortable for us. And you know what else? It’s a clear ploy to get us to tell you that you are worthy…and to get us to sleep with you.

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Taking her somewhere very expensive

It’s so obvious you’re trying to buy a woman’s affections when you take her to a place where the cheapest dish is the foi gras shooter, and you order, “The most expensive champagne, please.”

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Buying her something very expensive

It makes women incredibly uncomfortable when a man they barely know buys them something expensive. Hell, it makes us uncomfortable when men we barely know buy us anything at all! So it certainly shouldn’t be a diamond encrusted watch or new iPad.

Wearing clothes you think she’ll like

Some men, you just look at them, and you know that they buy every single item of clothing with the intention of attracting women. Oh. You wanted that periwinkle button-up with the paisly trim inside the buttons and sleeves so tight they showed off your muscles? For what? Boy’s night? Please.

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Over researching the restaurant

A woman doesn’t want to hear that Zagat rated this restaurant well, or that your celebrity chef friend raves about it, or that it appeared on some pretentious food show. She wants to hear why you like the place—it helps her get to know you.

Saying, “Order anything you want.”

Uh….yeah. No sh*t Sherlock. We always assumed we could order anything we wanted. Hopefully, you’d be smart enough not to bring us somewhere where you couldn’t afford some of the dishes. When you tell us to order whatever we want, we once again feel like you’re trying to buy us.

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Talking about past girlfriends

Talking about the model you used to date or the celebrity you used to sleep with is a form of bragging. You’re trying to say, “You have to be this hot to ride me.” And now we just want out of this circus entirely.

Mentioning your connections

Please do not name drop. This isn’t your attempt to get into a night club or get a job. This is a date. Your date does not care who you know. She cares who you are.

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Going somewhere where you have connections

And for goodness sake, do not take your date to some swanky, upscale club where most people have to wait in line but where you know the owner, manager, and bouncer and get ushered in. We see what you’re up to.

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Attending to your social media

“Oops. Oh. This is so embarrassing. My phone keeps going off. Ugh. It’s like—come on people I need some space sometimes. Am I right? I can’t attend all of your parties!” Yes. You’re very cool. I already started flirting with the guy at the table next to us while you were Instagramming.