Weird Things That Happen When You’re The Last Unmarried Friend - Page 14

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It happens slowly, and then it hits you like a ton of bricks: you realize that you’re the last unmarried friend. Your friends didn’t all throw a giant group wedding, so it wasn’t too in your face. But maybe it should have been because boy did it take you by surprise when all of your friends couldn’t go out for cocktails due to some excuse that involved the words, “My husband.” Even though you’re still the same person you were yesterday, and even though your friends still clearly adore you, you’ll start to feel a little panicked. You didn’t want your friends to remain single with you forever, but there was a comfort in the good old days where each of your futures was uncertain. Now it feels like you’re standing out on a ledge…in a cocktail dress none of your married friends would wear anymore! Here are 15 weird things that happen when you’re the last unmarried friend.

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You’ll wonder if something is wrong with you

Even though you’ve felt confident in your dating life up until now, you begin to wonder if something is wrong with you. Do you need therapy? Are there some emotional issues you need to resolve? There must be some reason you’re the last one, right?

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You’ll realize your social calendar is dwindling

You’ll reach out to your friends to grab a drink, and have them talk you down from these panicked thoughts, but they’re all busy, or “Not up to it tonight.” So you rush to your calendar, and you realize you actually have nothing coming up to look forward to with your friends.

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You consider settling

You start to think that maybe the only way to have somebody to hang out with these days is to get a husband. You go on a few dates with men you would never have considered before. You even go on a few too many dates with one guy who you know you’re not crazy about. Finally, you realize, “I can’t do this.”

Then, as a reaction, you’ll hook up with somebody you shouldn’t

You need to do something to get the bad taste in your mouth of dating the wrong guy for too long, so instead you sleep with another wrong guy. This guy is a different type of wrong, though: you’re very attracted to this one, but you know he isn’t relationship material.

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You’ll go out of your way to hang with the couples

Dating Mr. Right and sleeping with Mr. Wrong left you feeling lonely. So you think, “If I want to hang with my friends, I just need to get really into hanging out with married couples!” So you start tagging along to the Farmer’s Market.

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You’ll try to make new single friends

The Farmer’s Market was very boring. You realize you just need new friends. You join social groups and go to bars trying to make new friends. You try to recreate the same conversations and scenarios you used to have with your old friends.

They won’t be the same as your old friends

You’re disappointed because nobody can replace your old friends! The banter just isn’t the same. You don’t have the history and the inside jokes. They just don’t understand you like your old friends do.

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And you’ll get into single-friendly activities

Fine. Your old friends are busy. Your new friends aren’t working out. So you decide you have to learn to be alone. You get into, like painting classes and hiking groups.

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You’ll realize you’re too young for those

You realize that these groups are made up of single women in their 60s and up—they’re divorced, widowed, or never married. You think, “I’m too young for this! It’s too soon to throw in the towel and pick up the sketch pad and reading glasses!”

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Your friends will text to, “See how you’re doing…”

Your friends will text just to see how you’re doing—not to make plans, or even to tell you about how they are doing. Nope; they are texting to make sure you didn’t drown in self-help books and pinot grigio. This will really piss you off.

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You’ll read into every look or sigh

You’ll feel certain that, when you do see your married friends, they are giving you pity looks. You can swear that you hear the concern in their voice, like, “Oh, our poor, single friend. She must be miserable. We have to save her.”

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There will be one single guy at every party

Your married friends will invite you to events that they promise are not just for couples. You go, and there are five couples there. Oh wait—and one single guy. That guy was clearly invited to become your husband.

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You’ll make up romance stories

You’ll find yourself exaggerating how excited you are about a new guy, or how serious things are getting with a new guy. You do this so your friends stop worrying about you, but you know you’re never going to see said guy again. Well, maybe once or twice more for the sex but that’s it.

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You’ll realize nothing’s really changed

After a year or so of all your friends being hitched, your friends will miss you! They’ll realize they got too wrapped up in married life, but that they need to keep up their social life. Things will even out. You will have gotten used to spending less time with your married friends, but they will also want to come back into your life, and so you’ll meet on a nice middle ground.