Really Bruh? The Most Frustrating Messages Men Send Online
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The Internet was the greatest thing that ever happened to the lonely, the desperate, the socially awkward, the poorly adjusted, the needy, the controlling and the lazy. As for the rest of us, sometimes the Internet is a frustrating place where those individuals can contact us as much as they want, protected by their screen, their keypad, and miles of cyber space.
When a woman signs up for online dating, she opens herself up to some pretty bizarre and sometimes offensive messages. Unfortunately, people don’t need to undergo psychological and emotional screenings to sign up for Time Warner or Comcast the way they do when they want to purchase a weapon. But maybe they should because some of these messages leave quite the imprint (and not in a good way). Here are some of the most frustrating messages men send in online dating.
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Bank statements
Some men send photos of their bank statement. Maybe a list of their investments, and a write-up of the interest rate they see on the loans they’ve given out. As if this is bate and we are stupid fish.
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Dick pics
How do these even get through? Is anybody reffing these sites? Come on.
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Informative articles on your hobbies
There are a few creeps out there who closely analyze your profile—pictures and all—to figure out what your interests are. If they see one photo of you attending a documentary about dolphins, they send you ten articles about the marine mammal. Thank you. I’ve always wanted to date Wikipedia.
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A list of reasons you’re compatible
Then there is the man who approaches dating like a business plan. He writes you a thorough, thought-out and incredibly bland list of the reasons you would make a good match. Cool! Sounds like we can just get married tomorrow then! Everything checks out!
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The survey
One day you may open your inbox to find a survey. This survey will be from a man who is delusional and arrogant enough to think that he is the prize and that you will win him if you answer the questions in his survey correctly. So, will you cook him dinner, at least, three times a week? A) No. B) Go f-ck yourself.
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The angry and heartbroken
A lot of people create their online dating profiles in the hours following an explosive breakup. And in those same hours, you might receive a message from a guy who tells you every painful detail of his recent breakup, saying awful things about his ex and following it up with, “But you seem better than her. Can I take you out sometime?”
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The comparison
There are also men who will compare you to the woman they are currently with. “I only date the hottest women, and I thought I’d found one of them in my current girlfriend, but your measurements are even better. I’d love to trade her in for you.” We can only imagine what your, um, measurements are sir. Probably puny.
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The offer to help your career
The enormous misogynist who pretends to be a feminist by saying, “I would love to help you with your career as a singer. If you go out with me, I can introduce you to some great connections.” How about I don’t go out with you, you never message me again, and I don’t publish this offensive message from you on all of my social media outlets, with a screenshot of your photo next to it. Cool? Cool.
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The aesthetic suggestion
“You’re so gorgeous. A set of breast implants would really take you to the next level. Can I buy some for you?” Buy yourself a pair of balls first bro, since clearly the women who constantly rejected you in college and high school removed yours, and the only way you can pretend to have them back is by sending these messages.
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“Hi”
Oh. Wow. What poetry. What eloquence. I’m beside myself with emotion. You’ve given me so much to think about. And you’re right—you’re so hot that all you need to write is, “Hi” and the ladies will come swarming. How’s that working out for you, by the way? Oh. You’re logged onto five dating sites at 4 in the morning? Makes sense.
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