How To Have A Successful Sexcation - Page 14

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Sometimes, when you’ve been with your partner for a long time, finding the time for long, drawn-out, loaded-with-foreplay sessions in the sack is hard to do. You long for those beginning days in your relationship, when you’d be in bed for hours, unaware of where the time went, surrounded by open condom wrappers and half-full wine glasses. You just want to live in and on each other’s bodies, uninterrupted, for days. If you really need that in your relationship, you’re going to need to plan a sexcation.

Just like you plan a vacation or staycation when you need a break from real life, you plan a sexcation when you need a break from real sex (which, lately, is no sex). But staycations require very specific planning. Here is how to have a successful sexcation.

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Buy a nightie or a slinky robe

Do not put on your college sweatpants or your fuzzy pink robe in between romp sessions. You don’t want any excuse to run outside to so much as get the mail, or use a vending machine (if you’re staying in a hotel). You will purchase a slinky robe or tiny nightie for those times you need to cover up to receive room service. You will wear things that say, “We are staying in this room.”

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Avoid family hotels

If you’re going on your sexcation at a hotel, do a little research to make sure you stay at one that is mostly for adults. Family hotels result in parents calling the front desk because you’re being too loud while their toddler is napping. Family hotels result in diapers filling the trash cans by the swimming pool. Family hotels just aren’t conducive to a sexcation.

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Buy lingerie

For goodness sake, this is sexcation 101: buy yourself some damn lingerie! Yes, it is time. No, the ones he has seen a million times that are partially tattered will not do. Buy all new lingerie for your sexcation, just the way you buy new bikinis for a regular vacation. The occasion deserves new lingerie.

Keep insta-food around

Granola bars, bananas and any foods you can just add hot water to are perfect. You want to leave the room as little as possible. The second you wander down to the lobby restaurant, you get drawn into this or that activity, and your sexcation takes a back seat. Room service is available, of course, but it gets expensive to order it anytime you need a snack.

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Load up on electrolytes

You’ll be losing electrolytes! So bring tons of coconut water and Gatorade to the room. It will invigorate you, hydrate you, and make you ready for the next round. It will also help prevent some of the hangovers you’ll be getting from all the boozing you do during a sexcation.

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Sleep in

Don’t wake up early to have sex. There is no point. Part of the reason you don’t have enough sex in your normal lives is because you’re sleep deprived! So get all the sleep you want; it will produce more happy chemicals in your brain and give you the physical strength to bang all day.

Get a blowout

You want to have that perfect sex hair all weekend, and nobody actually gets that after tons of sex. If you get a blowout right before the sexcation, it will keep your hair in flowy, untangled trusses all weekend.

Turn off your phones

You tell yourselves you’ll, “Only answer for emergencies.” But you know how you are. Once you see that phone beep or buzz or vibrate, that “only emergencies” rule goes out the window.

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Clean the bathroom

If you’re having your sexcation at home, clean your bathroom like your mother-in-law is coming over. A dirty bathroom is a turn-off. A clean bathroom can be kind of sexy.

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Clean the house

While you’re at it, just clean the house. If you’re taking your sexcation at home, you don’t want to get distracted by dirty laundry or messy rooms. You certainly don’t want to argue about dirty laundry or messy rooms.

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Double up on lubricant

You’re putting your vagina through a lot this weekend. You’ll need a little extra help from your favorite lubricant company. While you’re at it, get the edible kind.

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Watch only funny movies/shows

During your down time, watch comedies. Watching dramas will just bring the mood down. Watching documentaries will shock your brain out of its wonderfully fuzzy sexed-up mode. Comedies are just right for a sexcation.

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Don’t get cruciferous vegetables

They make you so gassy; why do that to yourself at a time like this?

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Get along ahead of time

If you know your sexcation is around the corner, make a point to not pick fights. Don’t bring up that topic that always leads to an argument. That dirty dish he left on the counter—just wash it for him and forget about it. If you’re arguing leading up to the sexcation, it will be hard to get in the mood during the sexcation.