Let’s get one thing clear from the jump: men not named George Clooney are not averse to marriage as an institution. The characters in black love flicks (often starring Taye Diggs or Omar Epps) might have folks convinced that men would rather be garroted in the scrotum before they settle down, but that’s not the case….we’re just really, really cautious about who gets the Magic Stick for life.
I tried to think of at least five things that freak men out about getting hitched, but for me, it all fits under the umbrella of three:
1. Change…of all types: To live is to change, and to be betrothed is to accept that you’ll make every effort to adapt to your partner’s changes. Thing is, who we are at the core never changes, so the main reason I recommend everyone wait a good couple of years before getting hitched is that it allows one to learn more about what’s under the epidermis of their partner before they commit to a life with them. I’m unsure if men figure out as much as we’d like to in the amount of time that most women will tolerate us not proposing to them, so we worry that the woman we drop a knee for is someone much different than the woman we’re stuck with ‘to death do us part’.
2. Sexual death: Our ‘magic stick’ is no longer a free agent. That affects some men more profoundly than others. But unless we’re banging on a Bible like it’s a conga drum, most of us have to resign ourselves to the fact that The Great Punany Chase is over. To that end, we want a wife who is willing to come as close to meeting our crazy, Spice Network desires as is tolerable under local laws. Sex will ultimately not be as exciting as it is in the beginning of the relationship, but there’s no need for marriage to be the consummate death of that good-good.
3. Cohabitation: I wrote about this recently. Leaving the single life is a hard pill for a brother like me – who lived alone for quite awhile – to swallow. Our bathroom habits, our kitchen habits, our Adult Videos habits and so on need to be altered so as not to keep World War III constantly going at home. Take my word for it: I just moved in with my lady a couple weeks ago, and I’m still fighting lots of small battles. It will get better as we become more accustomed to one another, but I’m really glad we’re getting it all out of the way under the context of a relationship and not marriage.
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