15 Signs You Need A Man Cleanse - Page 13

You can’t help it: when your light is on it’s on! We all go through that phase in life when we’re charming, have endless energy, can somehow drink five cocktails every night of the week and not get hungover, and we just keep finding the cutest outfits! Naturally, the men come along with all of that. But we also all go through the next phase when we realize, we need a man cleanse! Here are some signs it might be time to take a break.

You have “Whole Foods Guy” in your phone

You flirt with/give numbers to/hook up with so many guys, that you don’t even have the chance to properly save their name in your phone before they’re out of your life.

You have “Whole Foods Guy II” in your phone

Okay, come on now. At least, get creative. And do you actually get any grocery shopping done, or do you just man shop?

You have a car wardrobe

You’ve gotten too accustomed to sleeping in–well–not your bed so you keep a mini wardrobe in your car to change into.

Phone calls with your mom are awkward

Your mom always asks what you did last night, and your answer is always, “I was on a date.” Then she asks, “With who?” to which you answer a totally different guy than last time. Every. Damn. Day.

Going out is treacherous

If you go out in a reasonably fun area where people in your dating pool like to go out, there is a good chance more than two men you’ve dated will be in the same bar.

Too many Eskimo sisters

It’s happened too many times that a woman you barely know lists off her last few boyfriends, and you’ve hooked up with one of them. Or at least, sexted with them.

You’ve lost memories

You’ve completely lost memories of guys you’ve dated or hooked up with. Entire months of men (and the memories of them) have drifted off into space.

You’ve dated every industry

Doctor, check. DJ, check. Actor/waiter/dog walker, check. Accountant, check. Drag queen, check. (What? He was totally straight it was just a side gig).

You accidentally go back for seconds

After hooking up with a guy, he says, “It was so nice to do that again with you” and you think, “Again? When was the first time?!”

You have too many clothes

If you’re always seeing new men, you’re always in date clothes. If you always have to be in date clothes, you always have to go shopping. Your closet is exploding with the slinky, glittery material remnants of dates past.

Uber is all over your bill

Uber is all over your credit card bill. It’s there from the time you took it home in the middle of the night from that one guy’s house, then again when you took it from a date with one guy to a date with another (because you drank too much at the first).

Your shower is full of disposable razors

Somebody touches your legs (and maybe something else) every night, so your shower is full of pink and purple disposable razors. You step on the little plastic caps, and it hurts like hell, but you don’t have time to clean them up because you’re currently shaving for another date.

You know the date spots

You can usually predict what date spot the next date will take you to. You’ve seen them all. You’re more than familiar with the “trendy” date restaurants. In fact, the hostesses know you by name now.

You’re not seeing your friends enough!

Finally, a sure-fire way to know you need a guy cleanse is when you realize you haven’t seen a girlfriend in several weeks. And when you have, it’s because you asked one to pick you up at a guy’s house at 6 in the morning.