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Even if you spent every night of the week together for months before you moved in together, there are just some things that never come up until you split the rent. Admit it: knowing you had your own place to go home to before let you do some pretty ridiculous things that you just can’t do now…at least not without a discussion about them. Here are hilarious firsts of living together.
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The first thermostat argument
He thinks it’s fiscally irresponsible to run the heater when there are plenty of blankets you could just pile on top of you. You think his heart is as cold as this DAMN APARTMENT for not letting you run the heater.
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The first, “That’s not how you clean that.”
“You only go over the floor with one Swiffer pad? You need at least three or it’s useless.”
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The first, “You’re using too much of that.”
The first time you realize that your partner is not conscious of how much toilet paper he uses at all and it’s getting expensive to refill the role twice a day.
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The first, “I wouldn’t go in there…”
When you didn’t live together, you could plan your number twos so your boyfriend could use the bathroom when he came over. Not now.
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The first Friday night you do nothing
When you didn’t live together, sometimes on a Friday night, you’d do nothing, but first you would call each other, coordinate a meetup time, drive to his place and then do nothing. That felt like something. Now you just meet in the living room, and you really do nothing.
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The first debate over groceries
“Do we need to get the brand name mozzarella? The grocery store makes their own generic one that’s just as good. If you want the brand name one, I’m not paying for it.”
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The first “Can you be quiet?”
“Hey it’s so great that you have your college buddy Billy over for a beer on a Thursday at 1 am but could you please SHUT THE F*$% UP? K thanks!”
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The first bill split
The first time you write a check to your boyfriend (because he covered the rent or something). That’s weird.
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The first orgasm followed by grown up talk
The first time an orgasm is followed by words like, “Ugh. We forgot to buy draino the sink is backing up.”
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The first masturbation catch
You can’t time when you’ll be in the mood to do this. And you certainly can’t time when your boyfriend will forget an important folder and come home in the middle of the day.
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The first agreement with a neighbor
“Oh, you told the neighbor he can use our blender any time. Great. I love that he’ll be stopping by four mornings a week now to get it.”
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The first dinner you eat separately
When you didn’t live together, if you were going to eat at the same time, you usually ate the same thing. That ceases to be sustainable when you live together. One night you’ll find yourself eating Chinese takeout and him eating baked beans out of the can.
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The first dirty habit
“You leave coffee rings on all of the counter tops! How can you live with yourself!”
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The first annoying habit
“Oh. You like to sing when you do dishes. Love it.”
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The first “It’s girls night hint hint.”
“Hi, I kinda told the girls they could come over for wine and girls night. Just us girls. Since I, like, never host so…What are you up to tonight?”
