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A “couples” activity sounds so romantic, doesn’t it? How couldn’t it be? It’s an activity catered to those in love! Well, actually, some activities are just best done solo; otherwise things get weird.
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Couples massages
If he has an attractive female masseuse, you get jealous; you can’t enjoy your massage because you’re analyzing every moan he releases. If you get a hot male masseuse, the same is true but reversed.
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Couples cruises
Just know that a lot of people treat these as swingers cruises. If you’re not into that, you’ll be rejecting a lot of offers. OR you’ll be mad that your partner didn’t reject an offer.
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Couples Training
Want to get fit with your partner. Go to the gym together, but workout separately. Time with a trainer is like having one person look at you both and say, “You are the fatter one. You’re the hotter one. Let’s proceed.”
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Salsa dancing
Salsa dancing can get pretty sensual. You won’t like watching some hot, fit young instructor breathing on your partner’s neck while she demonstrates the moves.
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Painting class
At best, he’s just there to make you happy and is counting the minutes until it ends: at worst, he’s pretty into it but he’s frustrated because you’re better at it.
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Boxing class
You’d be amazed what hidden tensions come out when you’re wearing boxing gloves. And that can get dangerous.
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Beer making class
He’s going to drink too much, get buzzed, and irritate the teacher. You’re going to be irritated too, and your batch of beer will probably come out pretty badly.
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Couples volunteering
It’s sweet in theory, but if your partner in any way slacks off while you’re volunteering at a soup kitchen, you’ll never look at him the same way again.
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Couples therapy
If you need it, then by all means go. But if you’re perfectly happy and think, “It would just be fun” stop right there: you’ll walk in happy and walk out somehow unhappy.
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A ropes course
Ropes courses are designed so that you only thrive if your teammate is thriving. The longer one person takes to climb something/tie something/jump something, the longer the other has to hold some very uncomfortable position. You’ll end the day mostly pissed at one another.
A palm reader/psychic
Want to see what a psychic says is in store for your relationship? If she says something nice, you’ll both assume she’s bullsh*ting you. If she says something suspicious, you’ll fight for weeks.
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Making a bucket list
You’ll just end up fighting about theoretical situations that will probably never happen anyways!
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Meditation
No matter how comfortable you are with your partner, you’re self-conscious around him on some level. Meditation cannot be successful when you feel self-conscious.
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Dressing one another
You know that thing couples keep doing and blogging about where they dress each other for a week? What they don’t tell you is they are now permanently insecure. Neither of them can get dressed without thinking, “So, does he like, never like what I wear?”
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Wine tasting
Oh please; you’re just going to get wasted. He’s going to be sober because he’s not that into wine.
