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When you start in the booty call zone, that’s fine—it’s clear to both parties, and nobody has their hopes up. But when a guy starts by treating you like a girlfriend, putting in plenty of work and having hearts in his eyes, and then treats you like nothing but a booty call, it’s devastating…and confusing. Here are possible reasons this happens.
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Because you treated him like one
After sex, you asked him to leave, or you wouldn’t stay the night. When he ran into your roommate in the kitchen, you didn’t introduce him. You only reached out to him in the wee hours of the morning.
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What was he to think?
You might have done all of that because you liked the guy so much that you didn’t want to scare him off. You didn’t want him to feel obligated to stay the night. You didn’t want him to feel pressured to meet your roommate. But he read it as you just wanting a booty call, and treated it as such.
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You came off as needy
You had a few great dates, and then you texted him in the middle of the night to say, “I’m lonely,” “Do you ever get sad for no reason?” or any variation of words that indicated to him that you’re not entirely happy with your life.
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He can’t fill that need
Men like to make women happy who are already happy on their own. The second you hint to a guy that you need saving, he will make sure he’s never around when you call. He doesn’t want the burden of trying to make an unhappy person happy. It’s too much work. But, he might stick around a little longer for sex.
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He met another prospective girlfriend
He could have met someone else who he is so into that it showed him he wasn’t that into you. This new person gave him some perspective. He thought he had chemistry with you, but in comparison to what he has with this new woman, it was barely a spark.
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But men have egos
It’s sad, but plenty of guys will keep a booty call around while they’re pursuing something serious with another woman. The booty call keeps their egos boosted, which they need while courting somebody else. Gross—I know.
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You let him have it too fast
He took you on a few amazing dates, asked you questions about your childhood, took an interest in your friends and the second you had sex with him, all of that stopped. Suddenly, it was just midnight texts for sex.
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Screw him (not that way)
It’s not your fault. The only thing that guy ever wanted was the sex. He was just superb at pretending he wanted more so that he could get said sex. You have got to hand it to him—he’s a good actor.
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You’re always drunk
You two always laugh like crazy, have deep conversations and fun sex but…you’re always drunk. You think it’s normal: “This is what you do when you’re young and excited about someone new. You drink and have fun!”
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It’s hard for him to take you seriously
The guy will eventually think that you don’t want anything serious if you can’t stay sober when the both of you hang out. Or, maybe he thinks you do want something serious, but you’re not secure enough in yourself to stay sober for a date. Either way, you can’t have a drunk relationship–but you can have plenty of drunk sex.
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You spoke about your other dates
While you were lying in bed, cuddling after sex, you grabbed your phone and started reading all the silly messages you were getting from other guys online out loud.
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This one is obvious
Of course, he’s going to think it’s just a booty call to you if you’re talking about other guys. If this was your attempt to be that “cool girl” who isn’t territorial at all, bad idea.
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You were too forgiving
When he screwed up big time, you totally let it go and didn’t call him on his bad behavior.
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You need to demand respect
If you called him out, he might have found your assertiveness attractive and courted you a little while longer. But this guy was always going to be a screwup. You just brought that out of him sooner rather than later.
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You spoke about your ex
You think it’s a good way to let a guy in—talk about your last relationship. So you do. Maybe too much.
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He feels like a rebound
Men and women are a bit different in this regard: women can talk about exes they’re totally over, but men usually only speak of an ex they’re still into. Men assume women operate the same way, so if you mention your ex, the new guy will think you’re still hung up on your last boyfriend.
