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You love your small titties. You wear them proudly. But sometimes, the world just isn’t prepared for their little loveliness and so you experience some, um, difficulties. Here are problems only women with small boobs understand.
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The panicked hand
When you first hook up with a guy and he puts his hands up your shirt, he starts feeling around frantically, as if maybe your boobs are just in a different place than most women’s.
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Bra-style bikinis
Every few years those bra-style bikinis, with round cups and underwire, are all of the rage. And you have nothing to stick in them. Bandeaux tops, please!
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You can’t really go bra-less
If you go braless, it draws attention to the fact that your nipples are, well, your boobs.
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But everyone thinks you can
And yet your big-busted friends always say, “Ugh. I wish I could go bra-less like you but I can’t with these big balloons.” They’re confused.
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Men who are into small boobs
They seek you out, and sometimes they are weird men. I’m talking about the ones who have small boob fetishes.
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When a friend gets a boob job
And goes on and on about how fabulous it is, you sort of know she’s hinting you should get one, too.
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People think you need help
Your friends always suggest tricks you could use to make your boobs look bigger. You didn’t ask for their help.
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Mardi Gras
You’ve been, but you didn’t think anybody would throw beads for your little b-stings, so you didn’t lift your top.
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When you’ve put on weight
Your boobs still didn’t grow and you were like, “Oh come ON!”
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Then your stomach looks bigger
Most women, when they put on weight in their stomachs, at least put it on in their breasts too so they’re proportionate. But you just put it on on your stomach, making your boobs look even smaller.
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Men can get boobs
But you can’t. You’re not jealous of man boobs, per say, but just mystified.
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Cleavage scenes
You watched plenty of movie characters manipulate shaky men into giving them discounts, secret information and more with their cleavage and thought, “I don’t get to do that. Darn.”
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You think you deserve a bra discount
You’ve definitely thought to yourself, “I should at least get a cheaper price on bras. I don’t require that much material!”
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When you first tried the pill
You were certain the birth control pill would make your breasts grow—it did for everybody else! Instead you just got the other side effects like acne and mood swings, but no consolation breasts.
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When men say they love small boobs
You can never really know if they’re being honest or just trying to sleep with you.
