The Dos And Don’ts Of Dating Someone With Social Anxiety - Page 10

Social anxiety can be crippling. You’re anxious. You can’t trust your thoughts. You misinterpret everything. You read into something when there is nothing. And while it’s crippling for the person who has it, it’s also a struggle for those who try to have relationships with someone with social anxiety. So here are the dos and don’ts of dating someone who isn’t comfortable socially.

Don’t tell him he’s “Just having anxiety.”

I’m sure you don’t like it when someone tells you you’re “Just on your period.” You get infuriated, right? It feels like that person is invalidating your feelings.

Do gently suggest that he’s being unreasonable

That being said, people with social anxiety do need to be told—gently—when they’re reading too far into things. They do need to be calmed down.

Don’t bring him around insensitive people

If you have a friend who can be a bit out there (but in a fun, lovable way), don’t bring your man around him. That situation is full of anxiety landmines for your partner.

Do explain people’s personalities to him

If you have to bring your man around rude, cold or loud people, explain to him why that person is that way. Tell him where they’re coming from—and what their intentions are—so he’s less nervous around them.

Don’t EVER joke about being angry

Don’t ever pretend to be mad. The moment your man with social anxiety thinks you might be even a little bit angry with him, he gets worked up.

Do let him know when you are angry

If you are genuinely upset, though, tell your partner. Don’t just act cold and hope he’ll figure it out. He probably won’t.

Don’t introduce him to all your friends at once

If you introduce him to more than one of your best friends at once, he’ll have anxiety wondering if he gave them each enough attention and said the right things.

Do tell him your friends will love him

Before he meets anyone important to you, tell him how much they’ll love him and how much they will adore his sense of humor. Set him up to win. Send him into the situation with confidence—don’t ever let him feel like you’re worried about what impression he’ll make with your friends.

Do text just to check in

If you know you won’t be able to call or text for a period that is much longer than usual, let him know in advance. That way he won’t go crazy wondering if he did something wrong.

Don’t overbook him

People with social anxiety get exhausted by social situations so don’t overbook your man. Make sure he has plenty of down time.

Do tell him how great he was in a social setting

Immediately after leaving a social setting, tell him how funny he was, or how much everybody loved his stories, etc. Quell any worrying he might be doing.

Don’t laugh at a new look he tries out

People with social anxiety usually identify a lot with their physical appearance. If your man tries a new haircut or style, don’t crack jokes about it or be overly critical if you’re not really feeling it.

Do compliment him!

But do tell him how cute he is, how much you love his style, how great his haircut is and so on and so forth. Everybody loves that—social anxiety or not.