Why You Should Put Your Family First

Having a family, whether you are together or separate is not easy. I’m sure it wasn’t simple for our parents either. I’m sure you recall the arguments and those days when the doors would slam. One of the two left after being pissed off. I like to stress to my readers that raising kids is not for the weak at heart. There are problems that arise that must be solved at a minutes notice, but those are the challenges that come with being a mom or dad. Pretty much, you signed up for it. In this article, I want to touch upon the struggles that come with co-parenting. You know, the see-saw of emotions that arise when you and the other parent are trying to meet at the center. The center may be tied to- visitations, clothing, child support, summer camp, school, or even healthcare. There are so many layers that are involved for the average couple, so imagine how crazy it can be when you two are not together.

When you have kids – whether your co-parenting situation is rocky or not, its kind of hard to stay on beat at times. He may raise his voice at the wrong time or she may say something slick that turns an amicable discussion into an all out war. You have egos involved. Resentment involved. Everyone in their mind believes their parenting style is the right way – so conflicts arise. But usually a lot of the challenges that many co-parents have don’t really have anything to do with the kids. There just may really be some underlining issues that never got resolved when the family was one.

Maybe your ex doesn’t understand your hustle quite the way you thought they did, when they bitch about how much time you don’t spend with your child. Maybe they think because you are independent and living solo that life is good and easy – and child free. However, what they think doesn’t really matter – its what you show and what you do for your child that does.

Couples break up. It happens. However, we are still parents to our children. It is our responsibility to grow up and make sure that we are moving as a solid unit for the sake of the kids. It is important to put the family and its values first. When we separate, our children go through many emotions. They miss the union, sometimes like we do. However, as parents, our number one duty is to protect them from those scars and make sure they have all of the resources and tools they need to be stand up citizens.

Through years of various co-parenting struggles I have come to realize that its not really about the parent and their issues, its about the child and helping them resolve theirs. Sure, we may be angry that we didn’t get to pursue the goals that we set out for in life, due to having a child, but that’s our fault, not the child’s. We have to be mature enough to put those dreams to the side, or conquer them when we are able. As long as we are out there with children within our reach, we have to put them as our family first and provide for them, by any means necessary. You can’t be selfish. You have to move as a unit until the child is ready to fly on their own, and even then you still should move like a team. That doesn’t mean you have to be in an intimate relationship with one another, it means that you have to be in a co-parenting relationship that is positive for the child.

Randy ‘Wood’ Ritchwood is an East Orange, New Jersey resident and a divorced father of 4. He is also a serial businessman, restaurant owner, real estate owner, and the former reality star of ‘I Love New York.”Wood’ as he is often addressed, is also the 2005 winner of Oxygen’s show ‘Mr. Romance.’ To spice up Mommynoire from a man’s perspective, he will be contributing a weekly column targeting sex, intimacy, dating, marriage, baby mamas, and divorce challenges. In his eyes: “Remember, I’m not your doctor, I’m not your therapist, I’m just your man ‘Wood’ Randy Ritchwood.