Randy Ritchwood: Are You A Bonnie and Clyde Team?

Remember your first overdose on love? Can you recall that high, that fix, and that addiction? Think for a second back to that old neighborhood or crosstown chick or guy that had you so ‘turned up’ and ‘turned on’ that nothing else in the world mattered – tunnel vision at its finest. Yes! You remember that first love that had you feeling emotions that were so damn foreign. Back then, your situation was probably so intense – that your crew felt it, and maybe some were even jealous – hating on your baby banger from the sidelines. Wherever you were, your first love wasn’t far behind. Whatever you were into, your first love was knee deep in the trenches with you – holding you down.

Reflect – the two of you shared everything. In the mix of your union, I’m sure there were hours of sheer laughter. In the same breath, I’m sure during some of those moments – hours of tears. That’s when the jealousy radar was on ten. No one could get next to your baby – or else. Remember coordinating those fly Easter outfits? Remember all the dip 80&90’s pics that you two flicked up? Remember sneaking into all of those matinee comedies, while kissing and fondling in the dark? I know some of you were out there hooking school with your sweetheart – so you could get your smash on. Remember fighting for your love if someone had something super slick to say? I bet you can remember when your ‘ride-or-die’ jumped in too – scars and all.  Looking back, you can still remember all of the R&B songs by Guy, New Edition and Troop that reminded you why your babe would be around forever. In your eyes, your first love went hard for the team, and what a damn team you were.

Then life happened….

Plates and glasses started flying. Some of the wildest words flew from your mouths. Then the belittling and condescending games entered. Then someone else caught your attention – because your Bonnie or Clyde was on some bullshit that they couldn’t back down from.

The storybook romance died one summer long ago. And all these years later – you still remember the sting.

In some cases, the destruction of that relationship set the stage for all of your future ones. That union probably blocked you from loving deeply again. Sure we can blame it on immaturity, but the pain still ran deep. And so, you promised yourself that no one else would ever have your heart – then it happened, you got open again and again and again….

So what happened during those Bonnie and Clyde type of loves? Why did those situations fall apart? Did you have a baby too early in the mix – that complicated things? Did you have to sacrifice your hustle and dreams to hold down your home before you were truly ready? Did someone get off of their A-game in the 4th quarter? Was it due to sheer jealousy? Who knows? Many things come into play. However, looking back as a father and former husband, I can only tell you to focus on creating your Bonnie and Clyde moments with your current partner.  As a grown man, who has endured the pain of losing a first love, in fact, many loves, I – like many men and women want that significant other that will ride for us like our first loves. We want someone who will go hard in the paint – not only in the bedroom, but in all matters of the heart. We want that partner that believes in us when the world has a question mark. We want that partner that will hold us down if we lose our jobs, if we lose our assets, if we lose our house – in fact, if we feel like we are losing our f@#$@minds, due to life’s pressures.

Sure, we can look back to our first loves as key examples of what a ‘ride-or-die’ love affair is supposed to be, but its more important to focus on your present and future situation. We have to think about creating new experiences and building loyalty and honor in our current relationships. We have to think about what sacrificing for the whole really means. It’s dope to reflect back on the woman or man that we first got intimate with. It’s cool to think about those who put it all on the line to keep us happy. However, the most important thing is keeping that Bonnie and Clyde fire burning now. When you become an adult – (and some are forced to earlier than others), the term ‘ride-or-die’ is a little bit different. Riding is deciding who is going to hold down the fort, when the other partner is down. Riding is building a foundation that no one can crumble or penetrate from the outside. Riding is setting standards and ground rules for how your household is going to run. Riding is being there emotionally for each other, unconditionally. Being a true rider is putting your family first, at all costs.

In my eyes and based on my experiences, any couple can be a Bonnie and Clyde team, if you want it – you just have to be ready to put in that work, when others would naturally clock out, and not back down when your back is against the wall.

Randy Ritchwood: Do You Have A Bonnie and Clyde Relationship?

 Randy ‘Wood’ Ritchwood is an East Orange, New Jersey resident and a divorced father of 4. He is also a serial businessman, restaurant owner, real estate owner, and the former reality star of ‘I Love New York.’  ‘Wood’ as he is often addressed, is also the 2005 winner of Oxygen’s show ‘Mr. Romance.’ To spice up Mommynoire from a man’s perspective, he will be contributing a weekly column targeting sex, intimacy, dating, marriage, baby mamas, and divorce challenges. In his eyes: “Remember, I’m not your doctor, I’m not your therapist, I’m just your man ‘Wood’ Randy Ritchwood.”