“The man for me is the cherry on the pie. But I’m the pie and my pie is good all by itself. Even if I don’t have a cherry.” -Halle Berry
Last week we discussed what men really want. This week, we delve into what to do with that knowledge.
A bombshell is nothing if not irresistible. You’ve heard the saying men want her and women want to be her, right? A bombshell takes it one step beyond that. That’s how powerful her energy is. Why? Because she is standing firmly in her feminine energy and claiming all of her power.
Seduction is the technique of using allure to charm, attract and spellbind. There are political seductions; any politician seduces voters to be on her side. First Lady Michelle Obama seduced a nation. There’s the commercial seduction that advertisers use to sell us things that we have to have but didn’t know existed. (There’s a blue and white bag that I am lusting after right now.) There is the innocent seduction of your child smiling sweetly and saying, “I’m sorry! So, am I still in trouble?” Then of course there is the art of romantic seduction.
The skills required for any good seduction include charisma, focus, flirtation, temptation and excitement. The words temptation and seduction may scare us but just because we’re invited into something doesn’t mean that it’s something negative. You could be seduced into healthy love, positive communication, eating right and taking care of your body with the right lure.
The male pickup artist seduction community is driven by guys trading tips and advice on how to score with women. The hilarious thing about them trying to figure out how to trick and connive us is that oftentimes they are trying to “hoodwink” women into doing what they already want to do.
Why seduction?
Human beings want to be seduced. Raise your hand if the idea of being enticed into a grand adventure doesn’t put a smile on your face and give you heat. Romance novels have existed since women starting swapping stories and have never been more popular. Any romance or soap opera is about the grand seduction. The push/pull, will they/won’t they aspect of seduction is compelling.
There was a time where this masterful skill of courtesans was the only way for a woman to get what she wanted. Powerful women who could bewitch and beguile were considered bitches, witches, temptresses, sluts and all of the above. They still are.
Today we have access to education, the opportunity to find or create right livelihood and the knowledge that wrestling with a man is not our only means to success. When we tap into our true source of personal power, we can seduce life to be what we will it to be.
Is seduction manipulation?
Unlike the male hookup communities who think that seduction is about lying, cheating and gaming someone, we take a more evolved approach. After all, we inherit the great lessons of history’s grand seductresses from Cleopatra to Josephine Baker, Mae West to Marilyn Monroe. The list of great sirens also must include Eartha Kitt, Dorothy Dandridge, Diana Ross and Grace Jones. These historical “bad girls” have much to teach us if we pay attention.There are also the lessons of ancient love goddesses like Isis, Oshun, Yemaya, Aya, Shakti, Venus and Aphrodite.
The bombshell knows that seduction is about opportunity knocking. She knows the door she’s knocking on and the king in line to answer it. If a femme fatale was about ensnaring her target and bringing him to a deadly, compromising position, the bombshell seductress is instead a “femme vivant,” a woman bringing life and forward movement.
The most anti-seductive traits are being brittle and being mediocre. I’ve said it a million times: no sane, stable and healthy man wants to tame your shrew. All is fair in love and war, but when it comes to seduction love often is war. Use your brain. Smart women are incredibly sexy. As a seductress, you are an adventuress. As for the object of your attention, heaven help him. If you are a woman in love with herself, the game was over before it started but lucky him. He gets to co-create a fulfilling, juicy, rich and sexy life with you.
But what if I get rejected?
For our purposes, seduction is not about wrangling and cajoling someone unwilling into being with you. If someone doesn’t find you beautiful, special and captivating, please move on. The next bus will be arriving shortly. As Frida Kahlo said, “Take a lover who looks at you like maybe you are magic.” (Take that in for a second.)
Bombshell seduction is about you being absolutely irresistible because you are an incredible woman among women. You have no need to fool anyone into being with you. Besides, you wouldn’t want a toad who is a follower anyway. You are a queen and a queen needs a leader and a king. Bombshell seduction is about co-creating your life and helping the stars to align. Chances are, your king is trying to seduce you as well.
Am I Cute Enough?
Being irresistible has little to do with your physical attributes. Enjoying the beauty you are gifted with is infinitely seductive. As Ms. Dorothy Jean Dandridge herself said, “Sex appeal doesn’t depend entirely on physical attributes. It is a kind of vitality and energy. It has to do with how you feel as a person.” Like anything else, you get to make your own rules on how you want to use your power. Historical bad girls have earned their place in the annals of time.
I see you living the life you deserve with the object of your affection. Yes, honey. Life is just getting good for you. Believe it and receive it.
1. Be authentic.
The dating game may look like a shark tank from the outside but you don’t have to be a shark to play it. Be yourself and treat others like you want to be treated. No lies. No manipulation. There’s so much guise and artifice in the world that someone who is really being themselves is a refreshing turn on.
2. Be focused on the object of your affection.
Who is he? Fill a need. We’re all self-interested. We should be fascinated by the object of our affection. Instead when we’re around this person who do we spend most of the time talking about? Yup. Ourselves. It’s human nature; but you can’t satisfy someone’s needs if you don’t know who they are. You can’t ensnare if you don’t really care.
Neediness and desperation are men-repellant. Neediness is stressful because when we’re with a needy person we feel like we have to do something to fix them and their issues. This is totally draining in any circumstance. Think, “How can I fill the needs of this person?” for a better result. Seduction, like relationships are not one size fits all.
3. Be conflict free.
You’re (s)mothering him. You’re griping. You’re nagging. Beef, nagging and drama are man-repellent. Consider your relationship to be a criticism free zone. Criticism is a romance killer. In a good relationship you challenge each other to be greater not belittle each other into mediocrity.
To be clear, your man is not your therapist. He doesn’t need to gossip with you about your coworkers or solve your mental health issues. It may be hard for some of us (okay, me) to talk about work all the time, but keep the shop talk mixed with conversations about you both as individuals.
4. Touch him when you’re talking.
Craving touch is something we all share. Babies die if not held. Urban centers hold snuggle and cuddle parties where people get together only for this very reason. Every time you reach out and touch him on the arm, he gets a little dose of the love chemical oxytocin. An unexpected touch is even more memorable.
5. Appreciate him.
What’s the point of being with someone if you don’t enjoy them? Celebrate him. Good men deserve celebration — as do you. Any man can be had. Not by sex but by appreciation. There’s a difference however between being a man eating predator and your everyday bombshell; the difference is caring. Genuinely caring about the other person and wanting what’s best for them, not best for you.
What does the word appreciate really mean? To increase in value. Make him feel the way he wants to feel about himself. Let him see yourself reflected in his eyes. This is why serial mistresses say that almost any married man can be had for the taking. Appreciation is a drug that no human being can resist. An alpha man wants and needs your respect. Let him know that he is important to you.
We’ll continue this lesson next week with bombshell seduction tips…
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Today’s Homework
Get caught up on Abiola’s Love Class!
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Passionate Living Coach Abiola Abrams gives extraordinary women inspiring advice on healthy relationships, self-esteem and getting the love we deserve. You’ve seen her love interventions in magazines from Essence to JET and on shows from MTV’s “Made” to the CW Network’s “Bill Cunningham Show.” Find love class worksheets, advice videos, coaching, and more at Abiola’s Love University. Her upcoming advice guide is named “The Official Bombshell Handbook of Feminine Power.” Tweet @abiolaTV or #loveclass.
