11 Places You Shouldn’t Take Your Children | MommyNoire

Rated R Movies

It’s one thing if I’m catching Despicable Me 2 at the matinee show.  I can only be so annoyed when someone’s one-year-old decides they’re going to act the fool mid-movie.  But if I’m catching Kevin Hart’s Let Me Explain at the 12 AM showing, I should not have to witness you and your child having World War III in the row behind me. Not only is it inconsiderate, but you have to consider what you’re setting yourself up for when you have a toddler running around screaming ”Pineapples!” and being forced to explain other adult humor that isn’t appropriate for kids.

Concerts

Unless Hannah Montana is dosey-doeing across a Disney stage, loud music and flashing lights are usually more scary for babies than they are entertaining.  The 4th of July Jam here in Philly featured J. Cole and Ne-Yo. What a newborn needed to know about power tripping wasn’t exactly clear but there they were with their mothers front and center. Concerts can get crazy with a crowd filled with people “turnt up” and ready to party.  These mothers then had the nerve to catch an attitude because someone bumped their infant. It’s a concert, dear. If you wanted good manners and order you might want to take your baby to afternoon tea and not the front row of a rap show.

Hair and Nail Salons

Salons and spas area safe haven for women who need a break from angsty teens, crying children and helpless husbands.  If you’re in a crunch and need to get some chipped paint fixed while you’re running errands you get a pass, but how relaxing can pampering yourself be if you regularly have Junior in tow only to yell at him when he sees how many cotton balls he can stuff into his mouth?

Weddings and Funerals

This is debatable, because there is nothing cuter than a toddler in a three piece suit trying busting a move to Gangnam Style. Use your best judgment. Family-friendly weddings with lots of cousins and grandmas and aunties to entertain kids can be a good time. But stuffy, long-winded ceremonies are a challenge to most grown folks’ attention spans let alone a toddler.  Keep in mind that kids are often anything but predictable and this can be enough to send any Bridezilla off the edge. Take special consideration for other siblings’ graduation ceremonies, too.  I was watching the scene from Losing Isaiah the other day when little Isaiah flipped out and caused a scene at older sister Hannah’s school play.  He had to be removed and mom ended up missing out on Hannah’s performance. Toddlers have a way of stealing their siblings’ thunder by throwing tantrums at inopportune times.  Make sure you don’t miss out on your other children’s special moments. 

Bars and Clubs

Thankfully I haven’t witnessed anyone trying to smuggle their pre-schooler into $2 Tuesdays because they couldn’t find childcare. But I’ll never forget the lesson I learned in the whole “mommy vs. friends without kids” situation. You truly have to choose your hangouts wisely when you have friends with kids.  Lunch to catch up with a new mommy friend at a burger joint didn’t seem so bad, until we discovered said burger joint was blasting rock music and serving adult milkshakes spiked with vodka.  We made it through since the waitress couldn’t stop gushing over how cute our friend’s baby boy was and the place did have high chairs so it wasn’t like they weren’t kid friendly. But we couldn’t help but feel awkward like everyone was staring at us like those irresponsible ratchet chicks who brought the baby to the adult burger spot.

Work

Unless it’s Take Your Child to Work Day, bringing the kiddies along to your job can get your some side-eye stares and even make your kids uncomfortable.  Keep in mind, you’re the best judge of your situation: if you work at Chucky Cheese, by all means bring the babies.   If you work at a law firm you might want to fall back on office fun time with the kids.  Not all adults are child-friendly and that doesn’t necessarily make them bad people.  There’s a reason they decided to be an accounts exec and not a kindergarten teacher.  Be respectful of the fact that not everyone is cool with kids being in their workspace and also of the fact that visiting you at the workplace may not be your child’s idea of a fun day.

Class

I’m all for non-discrimination against parents in the education system.  A woman shouldn’t have to choose between being a mother and a student.  Life with children is unpredictable and you may find yourself being faced with the choice to miss your final or bring your child to class.  It’s important to not take advantage of your teacher or classmates’ kindness.  It’s not fair to bring your kids to class on the regular, especially if they are making shadow puppets in the projector and distracting everyone else’s class time along with yours.

Doctor’s offices, DMV or other places you have to wait for long periods of time.

When the young parents in my classes talk about punishing their children for misbehaving in public, I am quick to remind them that social skills don’t usually come naturally to children under the age of 6 (or much later for some).  Children have no concept of embarrassment or consideration for other’s comfort and it’s not because they are jerks in training, it’s because they are kids who don’t know any better.  If you’ve got a child who can sit quietly with their hands folded until it’s their turn, consider yourself lucky and try not to judge the mom who’s chasing the kid showing his nose candy collection to everyone in the DMV.  Otherwise, you only have yourself to blame for not bringing coloring books, the Leapfrog or asking your sister to earn some extra bucks for a few hours so you can get your license renewed.

Amusement Parks

This is one best left to the stroller rule.  If your child is old enough to walk comfortably for half the day without crawling up your leg begging to be picked up, then feel free to enjoy a day of water slides and cotton candy.  Warning: if you want to get some fun in, take other adults so you can trade off so everyone gets a chance to enjoy some big kid rides too.  Don’t get me wrong, no woman should feel like pregnancy or being a new mom bans them solely to a world of bed rest and breast pumps.  But many experiences and activities that used to occupy your time will made be completely new again when kids are introduced into the mix…and that can be both a good and bad thing.

Long flights and bus trips

Just like the DMV or doctor’s office, long periods of time with nothing to do are like the seventh circle of hell for kids.  If you’re traveling in your own car, a five-hour drive can fly by when you can control TV and the radio, pull over at rest stops and play car games.  But your fellow airline passengers may not be up for a round of “The Wheels on the Bus”.  Long-distance travel is tricky for kids.  Make sure you’re prepared.

Church

The Bible can be a very boring thing for most kids. I apologize if that’s blasphemous, but we live in a world of Candy Crush and Spongebob Squarepants. Children are getting increasingly harder to entertain. Squirming and screaming is great when the choir is getting the pews popping, but not so much when the pastor is giving his sermon. I think it’s important for kids to be introduced to religion and spirituality, and who doesn’t want to get them all gussied up in their Sunday best (extra points if you do this for others Sundays throughout the year besides Easter)?  Unfortunately if you don’t have VeggieTales or a children’s bible handy, you can expect your kids to be sleeping through the word of God–or worse.

Toya Sharee is a program associate for a Philadelphia non-profit that focuses on parenting education and building healthy relationships between parents, children and co-parents. She also has a passion for helping young women build their self-esteem and make well-informed choices about their sexual health. She advocates for women’s reproductive rights and blogs about everything from beauty to love and relationships. Follow her on Twitter @TheTrueTSharee or visit her blog BulletsandBlessings.