Whacky breast products

The female figure has inspired some beautiful art over the ages; it’s moved armies to battle (Trojan war, anyone) and it nourishes our children. It’s also moved some entrepreneurs to come up with some pretty whacky products. Here are  of the most 15 bizarre breast products.

A bra/facemask

Well it’s official: when the apocalypse does hit, only women will be left. “Why?” you ask. Because we’ll have bras that transform into toxin-fighting masks.

Boob glue

When you put your bra on, you grab and adjust your boobs until you have the perfect cleavage. Then you take two steps and they fall back down. Just use Boob Glue to keep them in place!

Breast enlargement gum

All of these years of smacking away at regular old gum, you could have been growing your bazoonkas! Zoft breast gum allegedly has all sorts of herbs that help your body grow breast tissue.

Breast enlargement ringtone

Some scientist claims that certain music encourages your boobs to grow. And here I’ve been wasting my time with Hip-Hop.

Invisinips

Some women are pasting photos of men’s nipples over their own in protest of nipple censorship. But you can just wear the Invisinips and look totally topless…except you’re not.

Boobie deodorant

Okay it’s technically a cream, but it’s meant to fight boob sweat. The bottle says, “Hygiene for breasts and other areas.” Um…what other areas?

F-Cup Cookie

Because all women want F-Cups, of course. The F-Cup Cookie looks like a Twinkie, contains tons of estrogen and allegedly helps your boobs grow.

Boob stress reliever

If your partner is grabbing at your ta ta’s a little too hard, he might be relieving pent up stress. Give your real boobs a break and buy your guy a set of these.

Bodyperks

Some women spend hundreds of dollars on bras that will hide all nipple. If you think the nipple should be celebrated though, accentuate it with these little add-ons that make you nip out big time.

Boob slippers

Do you love boobs so much you wish you could have them on other parts of your body? What about on your feet? You can!

Breast enhancing belt/bra

The Pangao Breast Enhancer works sort of like those ab-blasting, vibrating belts from the 90s. And it looks like a robot bra.

Nipple dye

If you’re really self-conscious about the appearance of your areolas, you could hide them OR you could dye them. There are probably some other options, but why not just have “Pomegranate” colored nipples, right? You can with Esteem Areola Dye.

The Boob Scarf

The first set of boobs you actually want to dangle low…the boob scarf! Depending on how you tie it, your “boobs” could be at your stomach.

Double D Mouse Pads

Because nothing supports your wrists like big, hulking breasts…grab a mouse pad with enormous breasts. There are actually several boob-inspired mice out there. Very few people use an actual mouse today so these may soon go out of business. Oh no.