How You’re Rude To Your Boyfriend Without Knowing It - Page 12

When you get comfortable in a relationship, it’s easy to forget some of the courtesies you used to pay your partner. But just because he loves you, doesn’t mean your man doesn’t realize when you’re being rude  — even if you don’t. Here’s how you’re rude to your boyfriend without knowing it.

Do you change his food/drink order?

He tries to order the cheesecake and you cut him off, saying to the server, “Oh no no no…not if either of us wants to sleep tonight.” You know he has issues with dairy. You think it’s cute how “comfortable” you are talking about those things.

He’s not your little kid

Your partner feels like your child when you change his order for him. He also doesn’t need the entire world to know he has dairy issues (or can’t handle one more drink or needs to lose weight or whatever info you’re over sharing.) And finally, if your guy wants to be gassy all night if that means ten minutes of taste bud bliss, let him do it. He knows the consequences.

You ask, “Isn’t that too expensive?”

Your partner suggests going to a show or taking you to a restaurant and you ask, “Isn’t that too expensive?” You are just looking out for him because he has been stressing about money lately and you don’t want him to be shocked when the check comes at the trendy restaurant.

He’d rather go into debt

Your partner probably already did his research and knows that he can afford whatever he is suggesting. And even if he hasn’t, he would rather be surprised with a high check than feel like a total failure by saying, “Oh. You’re right. Never mind. We can’t go to the show I wanted to take you to.”

“You should have a friend like that?”

You and your man meet someone at a party or event who you’re really impressed with. You think this person could be a good influence on your partner and you say, “You should have a friend like that.”

Why don’t you just send him to finishing school?

Your man doesn’t need you to pick out his friends for him. If you really want him to befriend somebody, just plan a group hangout and invite that person. Be subtle about it. Don’t suggest your partner doesn’t know how to pick good friends.

You reject his ideas

He is trying to be creative for date night. He suggests a movie in the park and you say, “I hear the grass is gross there and nobody cleans up.” He suggests a new fondue restaurant and you say, “I hear it’s too crowded.” You’re just trying to save you both from a bad night.

Let him feel like a good planner

Go to the crowded fondue place or the nasty park (but be sure to bring towels and hand sanitizer to the latter.) Your man wants to feel like he’s good at coming up with date ideas.

You stay away when his friends are over

Your guy and his friends generally talk about things you know nothing about or have no interest in. So when they’re over, you say a quick hello and disappear until they’re gone. You figure you’re just giving them guy time.

You’re embarrassing your man

It’s nice that you’re giving your partner time alone with his friends, but if you never hang out—even for fifteen minutes—they’ll think you think you’re too good for them. And you better believe your partner ends up making excuses for you.

It’s not just your story

First of all, you just made it look like you hold your man’s balls in your hand. Second of all, even though you are in the story he was going to tell, it was still his story, too. Don’t make him feel like he is the worst conversationalist at the table.

You play the I’ll do this if I don’t have to do that game

Your partner asks you to come with him to some hobby of his you have no interest in. You go straight into negotiation mode saying, “If I don’t have to do this with you, I’ll do x, y or z for you.” You figure he’s at least getting something he wants.

He asked for what he wants

You’re not doing him any favors, actually, by negotiating. He knows what he wants and he wants you to come with him to the whiskey tasting/sports bar/shooting range. Don’t make him feel that his hobbies are so miserable that you have to negotiate your way out of them.

You ignore his advances

You’re exhausted or not in the mood for sex. When your partner tries to get something going, you play dead, pretend to be asleep and ignore him until he stops. You figure this is better than verbally rejecting him.

You’re making him feel inadequate

You’re probably leaving your poor partner confused. He probably thinks he’s just not good at foreplay or getting things started. Just let him know you’re not in the mood! Otherwise you’ll leave him wondering all of the next day what he could have done differently.