Breakups can be a very difficult experience. You’re crying, confused, and your heart feels like it’s in a million pieces. It’s not called heartbreak for nothing. You’re trying to understand how someone who once said “I love you” could now just drop kick you in the chest. And because of all these intense emotions, sometimes we ladies will end up doing some pretty unhealthy or irrational things after a breakup.
I’m not saying that men don’t do unhealthy things as well. But I want to talk to the ladies right now. I know our emotional nature. We women love hard and we love long. And because of this, sometimes it’s hard for us to let go- even if we’re dealing with a man that doesn’t deserve our love. But when a relationship is over, you really have to let it go. Why? Because one, you have to trust that God or the universe has a better plan. Two, you shouldn’t waste time on someone who doesn’t recognize how fabulous you are. And three, the tile of “crazy stalker ex’ is never a good look.
So ladies when a relationship ends, just let it go. You and your ex broke up for a reason. So let it burn. Dry your eyes, straighten your back, lift your chin and keep it moving. Trust that the universe has something better in store for you- because it always does 😉 But while you’re waiting here are 7 things you shouldn’t do after a breakup.
1. Facebook Stalk
Facebook has truly taken ex-stalking to a whole new level. And while I understand the temptation to peek at an ex’s profile from time to time, I still don’t think it’s very healthy to keep up with what an ex is doing. If you’re truly focused on moving on, then you shouldn’t care what they’re doing on Facebook. After a breakup, all your energy should be focused on you- not what your ex is doing on Facebook or in real life.
2. Keep Contact
Ok, this isn’t an absolute no-no. Sometimes women ask questions like: Should I call my ex for Christmas or his birthday? And here are my thoughts when it comes to contacting exes: If an ex was respectful during the relationship, then I think maintaining contact with them is ok. But if they weren’t completely respectful of you during the relationship, then I advise completely severing ties. That’s how I handle things. There are exes I still talk to, and exes that get absolutely no acknowledgement. My time is valuable. And I don’t contact exes that proved themselves unworthy of my time.
3. Beg them to come back
Begging an ex to come back is NEVER a good look. Period.
4. Engage in Ex-Sex
In the long term, continuing to sleep with an ex isn’t a good idea. Why? Some people believe that allowing your ex to get “no strings attached” sex will ultimately make you look bad in his eyes. But I think that continuing to sleep with an ex is ultimately just a waste of your valuable time. Basically, the time you’re laid up with him is time that you could be out living your life and dating other guys. And all the time you‘re wasting having limited, meaningless sex with your ex, is actually time that you could be using to establish a great relationship with a man who will want to make love to you for a lifetime.
5. Get Violent
I know “get back” is tempting. But don’t become so consumed with anger, that you get physical or violent. Don’t do things like threaten him or damage his property. In the heat of the moment, it may be tempting to hit him, or put your foot through his big screen tv or key his car- but it’s not worth it. Now if you actually bought him that tv or car, that’s another story 😉 But still, it’s wise to get “get back” in other ways besides violence. Violence just makes you vulnerable to other means of attack and even legal action.
6. Lose Faith
While it’s ok to give yourself a brief pity party after a breakup, it’s important not to lose faith. No matter how you’re feeling, you need to continue living your life and finding joy in your existence. Exercise mind over matter, and act as if. What do I mean by act as if? I mean, act as if you’re happy. Everyday find a reason, any reason to smile. Tell yourself on a daily basis that everything will be ok. And if you continually tell yourself something, you will start to believe it. The mind is very powerful, and you can make your thoughts reality.
7. Become hateful
Being bitter and hateful after a breakup is never a good look. It’s poisonous and just makes the healing process more difficult. Sure, it’s normal to be upset. But don’t let your anger push you into embitterment or hatefulness. Being hateful just means you aren’t over things. And interestingly enough, most people actually think the opposite of love is hate. So they think that hating their ex, means they’ve accomplished something. But that’s not true. Because, the opposite of love is actually indifference– not hate. It takes just as much energy to hate someone as it takes to love someone- but it doesn’t take any energy to not care about someone.
Have you ever done something after a breakup that you truly regret?
What are some other things you shouldn’t do after a breakup?
Want to leave a comment/question for Dr. Phoenyx Austin? Well head over to her Facebook page and follow her on Twitter. A phenomenal mix of brains and beauty, Dr. Phoenyx is a physician, writer and media personality who’s all about natural hair, health, and happiness. And she has been featured in Essence and has also appeared on popular shows like The Russ Parr Morning Show and The Warren Ballentine Show.
