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There are so many songs, anthems and books in the world that empower single women to live the best lives they can while building careers and managing love lives. And while each one helps push single women forward, we still have the task of uplifting ourselves to be sure we are living our best lives while on what seems to be a constant mission to find love. Single women do so much to keep everything and everyone around them afloat, but one thing we fail to do is take time to evaluate who we are, where we’re going in life, and how we truly feel about our relationship status. Every now and then we should ask ourselves a series of questions and answer them honestly to be sure that we’re headed in a prosperous direction. Here are a few questions every single woman should ask herself.
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Am I genuinely happy by myself?
Asking this is imperative because many women believe that having a mate will somehow solve their problems, make them happy and provide them with a productive life. If you’re not happy with who you are flying solo, chances are you won’t be happy with someone else. Find happiness within yourself and don’t rely on others to bring it to you.
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Why am I still single?
We hear answers for this question from others, but we don’t ask ourselves. Honestly, answering this will allow us to evaluate the person we are, the relationships we have encountered and what we did while in these relationships. While many of us would like to think that we are the perfect catch for anyone, the harsh reality is we’re not. We should take some time to really ask and think about why we are single without giving ourselves the cliche answers. You know all of them: “I’m not ready to be in a relationship,” “I can have somebody, I just don’t want a relationship right now,” or my personal favorite, “There aren’t any good men out there anymore!” While these answers may have some truth to them, there are other answers to this question deeply rooted in our hearts that we need to be honest about.
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Am I taking full advantage of my single life?
Many times we’re so focused on getting married that we miss out on the beauty of being single. When we’re single, that’s the time to focus on who we are as spiritual beings. Not only that, but we should build our careers, travel, serve in our purpose, get to know who we truly are and create a balance for ourselves until the time comes for us to be married…if it comes. If and when the time comes for you to be married you’ll wish you had taken full advantage of the time you have now to do the things listed and so much more.
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What kind of relationships do I need and deserve?
Sometimes we settle for less in love because we believe there aren’t any good men to have stable and productive relationships with. This isn’t true. Why do we do this? We don’t realize our self-worth and the value of being single. Ladies, if you’re settling for less in your relationships, stop immediately! See the beauty in who you are as a single woman, establish reasonable standards and wait for the relationship you need to help make you an even better woman than you already are.
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What have I learned from each relationship?
Whether we realize it or not, each relationship we encounter comes about to teach us lessons that make us better people for life, not just for another love affair. If you have not learned anything from your past loves or you’re not learning from your current ones, you’re not trying to. Take some time and think about how this person is making you better or worse. People come and go for a reason. Each time they do you should take away something valuable from them. If you haven’t, then you’ve wasted your time (and their time too).
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Am I single because of me?!
Many don’t want to ask this question because it could bring out the ugly truth. What is that truth? That you may not be a good person to be in a long-term relationship with. And while nobody is perfect, some people are harder to love than others because of how they treat the people around them.
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Am I ready to be someone’s wife?
A lot of women are eager to jump the broom but often fail to realize the many responsibilities and expectations that come with marriage. A woman’s needs are often put on the back burner to ensure that her household is taken care of, and she must make some sacrifices to ensure that. Ladies, is this something you’re prepared to do?
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Am I confident enough in who I am to be okay with not getting married?
This question brings to light the possibility that you may not get married. Answering this can be difficult, but it’s a question that must be answered truthfully. If you answer no, then take some time and ask yourself why. What will it take to get to a place of peace? Even if you answer yes, you may want to evaluate your reasons and do what you need to in order to maintain that confidence.
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Single ladies, take some time to ask yourself these and other questions to see where your head and heart is about your relationship status. It’s great to be single, but singlehood is often taken for granted because we think the grass is greener on the other side, but the reality is it may not be. Learn to be at peace with where you are and learn to live happily ever after with yourself. It’s the only way you can recognize when someone else is showing you real love.
Liz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? a speaker, and an advocate for single women. Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin.
