Why Are Black Men So Disappointed With Black Women?

Erica: Why are men selfish? They talk to multiple women and it’s okay, but you talk to just one guy and all hell breaks loose.

DY: Usually, people who are repeatedly selfish relationship-wise are that way because they’re allowed to be. If you’re ok with a guy talking to multiple women, what incentive does he have not to be selfish?

Tiffany: How do handle a situation where your guy needs space after you bring up a pic he was tagged in on social media that was questionable? Also, how do you deal with being blocked from his page after bringing it up and he says that everything is cool and knows that you were coming from a good place?

DY: I think you need to have a serious conversation with each other about whether you want to continue this situation.

Afiya: A man who has a 4 year relationship recently started chatting with me and we’ve been talking ever since. He stated that he wants a relationship with me because he doesn’t see the relationship he is currently in being life long. I do like him and he has shown me, through his time and effort, that the feelings are mutual. Should I keep him as a friend alone for now? How do I know if he is serious about a relationship with me?

DY: If he’s serious about getting out of his current situation, let him show you. But, until that happens, keep your distance. Because right now you’re interfering with a relationship you’re not currently in. 

Jennifer: Why is it so hard for men to be vulnerable with the woman they love? That’s what we as wives want. It will bring us closer?

DY: Many men — not all, but many — have been taught to suppress their feelings/emotions. Some do it because that’s just all they know. And some do it out of fear that it’s not socially acceptable and women will be turned off by it. Either way, just continue to stress to him that your marriage won’t be fulfilling for either of you if he doesn’t allow you to truly know him. If that doesn’t work, I’d suggest some form of therapy

Keithlanae: I left my kids father after 6 years and 4 children because he was emotionally, physically, and financially abusive.  We were both still in our early 20s and he is not helping with the children or doing anything with himself. How can I break the cycle of him using me and my kids?

DY: If he’s not providing child support and still abusive, those are two criminal acts with legal consequences. If this continues, your best option would be to pursue some type of legal assistance (lawyer, police, etc)

Ryan: Why does it seem like so many black men even highly educated black men are pursing ratchet, uneducated women over women who are more equally yoked?

DY: Your perception of reality is different from the actual reality

Tina: I’ve been talking to a man for 6 months at first we would talk and text everyday. Now, I’m always calling or texting him first. So I stop and I won’t text or call him first. If I go a whole day without contacting him then he’ll get mad and ask why he hasn’t heard from me. What is his problem I’m about ready to just say forget it and keep it moving.

DY: He doesn’t appear to have a problem. Your problem seems to be that you might be interested in someone who’s not as interested in you.

Natalie: I met a guy on a dating website in early February, and we have been skype chatting and talking on the phone since then. I know that he was on the website looking for love like I was, and that he may be courting other people. How do I not get attached, if he decides were not a match?

DY: Treat it like you would if you met the guy in a more traditional setting. At the month and a half point, you probably should still be figuring each other out and (pay attention) seeing other people. Prevent yourself by getting attached by reminding yourself that “6 weeks of talking” doesn’t equal “I’m ready to get hitched” and act accordingly.

Candu: I have been seeing a man 18 years younger than me for 3 years. He has a great job, his own house and two cars. He is also a good father to his 6-year-old son. In the beginning, I was ashamed of our relationship…to the point that If I ran into him, randomly when with family…I’d refuse to acknowledge him. I did get over myself and told him how sorry I was. Our relationship has suffered a lot because of my hang-ups (mostly over contraceptive use), and I think he’s holding a grudge about my past treatment of him. He has been there for me and he knows and loves my kid, family and friends. He has always been respectful, which I never had from a man. How do I make up for my faults or should I walk away? Have I caused too much damage to his pride?

DY: Tell him exactly what you’re telling me. Why you were acting the way you were, and how much you appreciate him. Whether he decides to let bygones be bygones is his decision. But just be upfront with him.

Jessica: I’m 26 years old and I’ve never had a good lasting relationship with a man what can i do to get and keep a long lasting healthy relationship in the near future?

DY: The best thing for you to do is to continue enjoying life and striving to be the best person you can be. I know that might not have been the answer you’re looking for, but its the only good answer to that question

Marcy: Why do so many African American males seem so angry or disappointed with African American women? What do you think we all can do to heal the fracture?

DY: There are angry men disappointed with their lives who, since blaming abstract concepts like “institutional racism” and “the prison-industrial complex” is too difficult, instead turn their anger/frustration on the people closest to them: women. Unfortunately, there are many men like this. And, they tend to be very expressive with their feelings. But fortunately, the number of Black men who love and support Black women far outnumber them.