How To Handle His Conservative Parents - Page 15

If your boyfriend tells you that his parents are conservative, there’s one thing you should never forget: First impressions are everything. In other words, you only have one shot to win these people over, and if things don’t go well, they may strongly encourage their son to look elsewhere for his happily ever after. We don’t want to see things go down like that for you, so here’s what you need to keep in mind when meeting conservative parents.

Follow Their Lead On PDA

Whatever his mom does with his dad, you’re allowed to do with him. But until his mom sits on his dad’s lap, you’d better stay in your own seat.

Take Out Unconventional Piercings

Your boyfriend may be too afraid to tell you that even that bull ring in your nose has to go too.

Pretend To Be Shocked By Things

You’re going to have to practice your shocked face in the mirror because you need to pretend to care that the neighbor’s 16-year-old daughter is already having sex.

Get Ready To Talk About Taxes

Conservatives from all categories like to talk about taxes. Do your homework.

Cover Up Tattoos

Saying you regret it won’t save you. And complaining of the heat when you take off your sweater to reveal that snake on your arm (attached to a flower with a hummingbird on it) won’t be a good excuse to expose such ink.

Talk About The Dog

Everyone can always agree on how everything the dog does is cute.

Let Them Bring Up TV Shows

The shows you watch say a lot about you—more than you know. Just talk about whatever shows they bring up. You never know how they’ll interpret your love of Empire…

Get Ready To See Your Boyfriend As Weak

Even if he has come into his own, when your guy gets around his conservative parents, he’ll start walking on eggshells. It’s just drilled into his psyche.

Know That A Little Cleavage Is A Lot Of Cleavage

Your mom may applaud you for only showing a little cleavage or a little leg, but conservative parents don’t want to see any of that over their dinner table.

If You’re A Vegan, Eat In Advance

Figure out what their diet is and work around it. If they are hardcore meat eaters, subtly pick around the pork chops, but don’t bring up the fact that you are vegan. They can learn that you’re a hippie later. (You’re not, but they will think you are.)

Don’t Mention Coachella

Or any music festivals you’ve turned up at unless you want to throw away all your hard work.

Make Up A Church You Go To

Or synagogue. Or temple—whatever corresponds to their religion. Just have some name ready to go if they ask where you worship and you can’t remember the last time you stepped in a church.

Don’t Curse!

Duh! If you know you have a potty mouth, try to go a week without cursing before meeting his parents.

Know That You’ll Be Sleeping Alone

Don’t ask, “Where are we sleeping.” He’s sleeping in his room, and you’re sleeping on the couch.