The Worst Things To Do In Bed With A Woman - Page 5

Hey men, you know how women read into things? That extends to sex too. And we get pissed when you do these things. Here are 15 of the worst things to do in bed with a woman.

A creative finish

You better ask if you can, um, finish on her face or chest or expensive sheets before just going for it. Otherwise she’ll feel degraded. And you’ll owe her money for those sheets.

Leave on just your boxers

If you’ve gone so far as to take everything else off, please take off your boxers. You sort of look like a little boy with an unexpected woody when you leave them on. Plus we worry you’re hiding genital warts or something.

The shoulder tap

If she isn’t doing a good job going down on you, just say, “My turn.” Go down on her. Don’t give her the shoulder tap or suggest she should just stop.

Not kiss us

Do you even realize she’s there? Or would a sleeve do the same thing right now? Because she can leave and just get you one of those if you don’t start kissing her.

Jackhammer

You’re a grown man: learn to pace yourself.

Uninvited a**play

It’s just rude not to ask. So rude.

Skip foreplay

Sex can hurt for a woman if there is no foreplay. You’re not just doing something extra when you do it; you’re doing something essential.

Rip off her clothing

She probably paid a lot of money for those clothes. Even if she didn’t, she’s not in the habit of destroying clothes.

Not respect her period rules

If she said no sex on her period, don’t try to get something started.

Freak out over her period

If she happens to get her period during sex, don’t freak out. She’ll probably never have sex with you again out of the humiliation.

Fart during 69ing

Eat a light meal before or something, just don’t let one loose when she’s down there.

Look at…anything else

If your head is turned away but your eyes are closed that is okay—that means you’re just feeling all the sensations. But if you’re just staring at a picture on the wall, she thinks you’re not in the moment.

Check on us during oral

You don’t need to stop giving her oral to peek up and see how she’s reacting: her noises will tell you.

Ask us to “keep going”

If she has stopped giving you oral, it’s for a good reason. Her knees or her jaw hurts, or she can’t breathe.