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Hey men, you know how women read into things? That extends to sex too. And we get pissed when you do these things. Here are 15 of the worst things to do in bed with a woman.
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A creative finish
You better ask if you can, um, finish on her face or chest or expensive sheets before just going for it. Otherwise she’ll feel degraded. And you’ll owe her money for those sheets.
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Leave on just your boxers
If you’ve gone so far as to take everything else off, please take off your boxers. You sort of look like a little boy with an unexpected woody when you leave them on. Plus we worry you’re hiding genital warts or something.
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The shoulder tap
If she isn’t doing a good job going down on you, just say, “My turn.” Go down on her. Don’t give her the shoulder tap or suggest she should just stop.
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Try to not use a condom
If she thinks you don’t care about her health, she’ll be turned off.
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Not kiss us
Do you even realize she’s there? Or would a sleeve do the same thing right now? Because she can leave and just get you one of those if you don’t start kissing her.
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Jackhammer
You’re a grown man: learn to pace yourself.
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Uninvited a**play
It’s just rude not to ask. So rude.
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Skip foreplay
Sex can hurt for a woman if there is no foreplay. You’re not just doing something extra when you do it; you’re doing something essential.
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Rip off her clothing
She probably paid a lot of money for those clothes. Even if she didn’t, she’s not in the habit of destroying clothes.
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Not respect her period rules
If she said no sex on her period, don’t try to get something started.
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Freak out over her period
If she happens to get her period during sex, don’t freak out. She’ll probably never have sex with you again out of the humiliation.
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Fart during 69ing
Eat a light meal before or something, just don’t let one loose when she’s down there.
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Look at…anything else
If your head is turned away but your eyes are closed that is okay—that means you’re just feeling all the sensations. But if you’re just staring at a picture on the wall, she thinks you’re not in the moment.
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Check on us during oral
You don’t need to stop giving her oral to peek up and see how she’s reacting: her noises will tell you.
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Ask us to “keep going”
If she has stopped giving you oral, it’s for a good reason. Her knees or her jaw hurts, or she can’t breathe.
