“Who the biggest liars, men or women? Women are the biggest liars! Look at you, all of you. All of you are liars! Masters of the lie- the visual lie. Look at you. You got on heels- you ain’t that tall. You got on makeup, your face don’t look like that. You got a weave- your hair ain’t that long. You got a Wonderbra on- your titties ain’t that big. Everything about YOU is a lie, and you expect me to tell the truth?!? Fawk you!” – Chris Rock
Ah ladies! We always get on the fellas for lying. But let’s be real- we lie too. And though many of us ladies do strive to be honest and forthright, sometimes we get put in positions where we’d rather not tell the truth- at least not at that exact moment in time. So what do we do? Sometime we (gasp) lie. But in our defense, they’re mostly little white lies, half-truths. So nobody’s really getting hurt. And though I have to agree with Chris Rock that we women are masters of the visual lie- I actually like to call it the “beautiful illusion.” Personally I still think men are the biggest liars. But maybe that’s just because I’m a woman and choose to stay loyal to the sisterhood 😉 Here are 5 funny and sometimes obvious lies we women tell men.
1. “Oh yes! YESSSSS!”
Ok ladies, raise your hand if while having sex with your man, you’ve ever found yourself in that unfortunate circumstance when you can’t seem to make it to the “promised land.” Maybe it’s you, maybe it’s him. But either way, your mind starts to wander to thoughts like “is Dancing With The Stars coming on tonight” or “did I remember to pay that bill?” You want to wrap things up but you don’t want to hurt your man’s feelings. So what do you do? You make the executive decision to bring out your inner Academy Award winning actress and give a little “Oh baby, I’m about to…. I’m about to….. oh yessssss!” He still feels like a champ and you get to go about your day. Everyone wins.
2. Sure, you can call me.
I’ve been guilty of this- particularly with obnoxiously aggressive men that are oblivious to my obvious cues of disinterest. Ladies, you know what I’m talking about. And since I, like many women, find it tough to hurt a guy’s feelings with “You know what? Um, no,” there’s thankfully a better route. What’s that? We’ll give a guy the wrong number or just ignore his calls until he gets the message. It’s just so much easier that way 😉
3. I’m fine.
I think this is the single most common lie told by women to men. And if it’s one of those times when your man has managed to royally piss you off, then he already knows that “I’m fine” is just the calm before the storm.
4. I weigh (insert lie here).
To many women this is a harmless little white lie. In our mind, “I weigh 135” always sounds better than “I weigh 140.”
5. Wow, I usually don’t usually do this so soon.
And by “ do this”, I mean “have sex.”
Society and culture have conditioned women to think we must do whatever it takes to not be “perceived” as one of those women. So after having sex with a guy only a couple weeks into dating, some women will turn to him- eyes so innocent and hair all a mess- and utter this obvious lie: Wow, I usually don’t do this so soon. And guys, God bless their little hearts, will usually just shrug and smile. Why? Maybe he knows it’s a lie- maybe he doesn’t. But either way, he’s just happy he got some.
So who do you think are the biggest liars- men or women?
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