Ladies, let me ask you all a question: What makes a man a man? Because of several factors, namely a lack of father figures, it seems as if we have scores of young ladies and even grown women who really don’t know the answer to this question. I was writing in one of my favorite cafes when a young woman got my attention after complimenting me on my kinky twists. We bonded on a mutual love of Whitney Houston (pre “crack is whack” Whitney), and chatted about one of my favorite topics- dating and gender roles. And while I could tell that this young woman was quite the catch- beautiful, educated, with a great job- I was saddened to hear how completely clueless she was about men. She admitted to doing things like chasing down men to set up dates. She even admitted to paying on dates because she didn’t want to be accused of being “selfish” or a “gold-digger.” And despite all her “efforts” she constantly found herself dating losers and was quickly becoming disillusioned with men in general. That’s when I offered some advice.
I told this woman that she was making one major mistake when dating: She was not letting men be men. What do I mean by that? Well, my father taught me that real men pay for dates, real men open doors, real men call to set up dates, real men offer to pick you up for a date, and real men call to see if you got home safely– essentially real men behave like men. My father taught me that if a man I encountered had a problem with any of the following things I’ve listed, then he’s not a man. And because of my father’s advice, I’m always a bit perplexed when I encounter women that try, for whatever reason, to flip the script and assume the role of a man. I know that we women are out here doing our thing- and we should be proud. But one thing we should not try to be is men. There was a perfect design set in place for men and women. So don’t ruin things for yourself and your relationship by trying to flip the script. Women should be women. And we should let our men be men.
1. Let Him Pay
This is one HUGE rule of mine. Maybe it’s my Panamanian roots talking, but where I come from, men pay. I really don’t get women that come with this whole, “I don’t want to look like a gold-digger” business. Any man that’s pursuing a woman romantically should never ever dare utter the words “you got this?” NEVER. Women, we can be as independent and self-sufficient as we want to be, but men by their very nature are providers. Do not take that away from a man. And don’t be quilted by this “gold-digger” nonsense. Let a man be a man- let him pay.
2. Let Him Be A Gentleman
Do you do simple things like wait for your man or your date to open the car door for you? If you don’t, start doing it now. Some men like to argue that feminism killed chivalry. I think that’s BS. Intelligent people know that feminism is not about women trying to be men. And if chivalry is indeed dead- which I don’t believe that it is– it was killed by men that never really wanted to be gentlemen in the first place.
3. Let Him Initiate Contact
I don’t care how much you like a guy- do not chase him down for conversation, a date, or anything. It’s in a man’s DNA to pursue a woman. I’m not saying you should play games or never call him. But you should let him 1) express interest first and 2) contact you first. Let him take the lead, let him initiate the contact, and him be the man.
4. Let Him Propose
OK, this may seem like a no-brainer. But I’m shocked at how many women I’ve encountered that would actually propose to a man if he didn’t propose to them. We’ve even got women on TV, namely Jim Jones’ woman, publicly and shamelessly offering to propose marriage to her man. I don’t know if it’s a sign that the world is coming to an end or what- but when did it become acceptable for a woman to get down on one knee, ring in hand, and ask a man for his hand? If this is becoming a trend, then it needs to be done away with right now. Ladies, he’s the man, therefore he proposes. Period.
5. Let Him Be Who He Is
Whatever your man is- let him be that. Don’t try to change him. Let a good man be a good man, and let a trifling man be a trifling man. Men are not construction projects. If you have a good man, accept him and love him for who he is. And if your man’s a liar, cheater, or just a plain pain, then either accept him as is or cut him loose. You are his woman- not his mommy. So accept him as is and let him be who he is.
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