Niecy Nash Addresses Critics Of Her 'Blow Job A Day' Tip

I wanted to ask about your book, It’s Hard To Fight Naked. You released it a while ago, but everyone is still talking about it. There’s one particular nugget that you dropped about oral sex and how important it is to keeping a married man happy, or at least keeping your husband happy. There was a bit of criticism that came out about it, with one writer even arguing that your comments “set women back 100 years.” How do you feel about that kind of criticism?

I’ll say this, there is a very interesting place women find themselves in when they say, “I want to be in a relationship, and I want to be in a relationship with a man who is faithful.” But you get off the ride when to arrive to the point of what you need to do to keep him coming back for more. When I wrote my book, I was sharing my advice and my experience based on my journey. I have a 65-year-old mother who said to me, ‘I have lived in this world for 65 years and I would have never written down what you wrote and I would have never written that book. But I lived long enough to know baby girl, that every word of it is true.’

So it may be taboo to talk about, but at the same time, I don’t understand why. Your marriage bed is not defiled. Anything you want to get popping in there, you can make it do whatever needs to be done to keep your situation tight and right. I don’t feel like it’s setting women back. I feel like it’s making you free to make an informed decision about how you move around in your relationship…if your goal is happiness, fulfillment, and monogamy. If a man needs something that you’re not giving him, do you think that he’s just going to go without it?

In It’s Hard To Fight Naked, you called you waking your husband up to a blow job the “alarm clock.” Were you being literal when you said that you do this every morning?

I don’t have to try to prove a point. Do you want to talk to my husband? He can tell you. When I wrote the book, I wrote it from a very pure and real place. I was just trying to share what I felt. And I also had a lot of women who took issue with the fact that I said, ‘In a relationship, women are way more complicated than men are.’ We try to make it like the men are bringing all of the drama and the headaches. But the truth of the matter is, if you’ve been in one beauty shop, you’ve been in 10. The whole story of our emotions and the ups and downs and we want them to read our minds. We take men through quite a bit. But I feel like with them, because loving them, you start from a very simple place. For me, my experience leads me to think that we can get right off of the ride with the guys at snacks and sex.

And what I will say about this is that my book has been out for a while. It has sparked a conversation and to me that’s an important part. What are you discussing? The truth of the matter is, no one should be asking another woman about it. Because if you really are a feminist, you shouldn’t be asking a woman what she thinks about what another woman said. If you got a man— and that’s a capital I-F—go home and ask him. Go home and ask him about it. Don’t go asking another woman. You go home and ask that man you’re in that relationship with. What does he think about it? While we’re speaking in the fine print and they’re going all the way speaking headlines. It’s very grassroots when it comes to loving a man. You don’t have to be…you know there’s not this big formulaic equation that you have to step into. That’s my opinion. But you know what, if my opinions made you think opposite go get you a man or go ask the man you’ve got. Get you one and then ask him or go ask the one you’ve got…cuz I keep a job and a man. So I’m doing something right.

So where do you find the energy…for daily oral sex?

Where do I find the energy for what? For my man? Here’s the double dip on that question of finding the energy. I feel like I’m built to be a wife. I feel like in that, there’s a responsibility that comes with the job. No you don’t always want to get up and go to work, that’s why it’s called a “blow job.” But at the end of that two week period when you receive your payment for services rendered, you feel like, ‘Oh, I needed that. That came right on time.’ So there is a call on my life in my role as a wife to be of service. And in turn, my service is repaid by covering and protecting. So I’m not going to be without what I need on the other side of it because I’m also giving what is necessary for the relationship to have the reciprocity that it needs for us to both be fulfilled. So while I do have a family, I may not have to go into the kitchen because he knows I’ve been at work all day. So not only is he going to pick the baby up from school, he’s going to feed her and make sure he has something in the refrigerator for me too? Oh yeah, you about to get it when I get home.

There’s reciprocity in it. I’m not painting a picture of a woman who is just a martyr for the D-game. I’m not just going to live my life in service unto you, but what I am saying is that in the right relationship, being of service begets reciprocity of everybody’s needs being met…whatever they may be.

Some are under the impression that you feel oral sex and food are the only things that a married man needs to be happy, so I wanted to give you the opportunity to sort of clear that up for the folks who may be sort of running with that.

Well people who take that one sentence and take it as a literal application, to that I would say lighten up and be easy. There’s a little more ingredients in the stew. The original title, well what I wanted to the be title [of my book] lives in chapter three, which was Stomach Full, Penis Empty: A Woman’s Guide To A Happy Marriage. That was the original title. My publishers and I went back and forth and we landed on It’s Hard To Fight Naked. Do I think literally that’s all it takes? No. But you’ve got to remember that I’m a comedian. So the tone of my book is very funny, but it does have a lot of takeaway. What I would invite people to do is read the book in its entirety and then make a judgment statement. I talk about women who are in a relationship with God and then get into a sexual relationship with a man that goes against their religion. I talk about that in the book too. Ain’t nobody bringing that up. Where are the people running to the roar of that? That’s a real part of what the book talks about. It talks about surviving a divorce. I talk about Internet dating. I mean, I literally was an Internet dater.

There’s another falsehood that if you’re a celebrity, it’s easy to get a man. I tell women literally how to navigate your way on the Internet to have the best possible outcome. There are so many things in the book. There’s so much more than that one tiny thing. In my heart of hearts, I understand that you have to want the same things that a person you’re trying to live the rest of your life out with wants. That’s why the very first thing in the book isn’t even about a blow job. It says that you are going to attract what you are, so you better be what you want to see because that’s what’s going to show up. I just think we live in a day and time where people flock to the sensational. ‘I can’t believe you said this,’ ‘I can’t believe you did that,’ because those things are sensational, but sex is not new.

And I want to tell you what, I want people to stop being so prudish about it. It doesn’t mean you can’t love God and still be a sexual being. He made you that way. And I want you to trust and believe when Adam laid down in that dust and they clicked that rib out and made Eve, and he opened his eyes and saw all that goodness and she looked down and saw what he was working with, she had to figure out what to do with that thang! So this is nothing new. I want people to do two things and both of them is knock it off. And stop acting like you never did it before! And if you didn’t do it and you don’t do it…okay, let me just stop there.

Are you sure you want to stop?

Yeah. Yes, because you know, people like to act like, ‘What? What?’ It’s okay for you to do it behind closed doors, but it’s wrong for someone else to admit that they do it? You better stop it right now because I’m everybody’s Woman Crush Wednesday. Get into that.

What are your thoughts on people acting as though your book gave them a right to speak on your marriage and your situation?

Well you know, social media is a very interesting thing. Years ago, if you had an opinion about someone you didn’t know, you just talked about it at the beauty shop or your auntie’s house when y’all were having a card party. You did not have the platform to be able to say, ‘I’m going to go out and tell the world what I think about you.’ I just think it comes with the territory today. I’m fine if people have an opinion about it, but what I would ask is that you have an informed opinion. You can’t make a decision about something you haven’t read in its entirety. How do you do that? And if you ask anybody who knows me, the first thing that they would probably say is that ‘She’s in love with love.’ The second thing that they would say is ‘She really is her brother and her sister’s keeper.’

People who know me know me more for, with the busy schedule that I have, taking the time out to hear their hearts, to pray for their concerns, to get many of them jobs. That’s also a part that’s rooted in who I am. But you know, often times, the parts of you that are the most pure are the ones that are the least talked about on social media. You could spend all week taking your daughter to school, but the minute they see you on Instagram at a party in a low-cut dress, that’s the part they’re talking about. So I guess I would say that I’m fine with you talking and having a conversation, but just do it from an informed place. Read my book. Watch my reality show, ‘Leave It To Niecy.’ Watch interviews that I’ve done with my husband. Then what you got to say about it?

Any last words?

I’m going to do what I have to do to keep my marriage tight and right. So if it doesn’t work for you, that’s why many people have advice. If you hear what everybody has to say about love and relationships…you have Steve Harvey, Niecy Nash, tons of experts speaking to love and life and promoting it the way that they are. In your own mind, you’re supposed to take all of this information in and take the meat and leave the bones. Take the part that works for you. You may say, ‘I’ll take chapter three from Niecy and I’ll take chapter five from Steve Harvey.’ You may go over to this person and this website and take that. And then, the rest of it you may get from your mama. You have options. I’m not saying that I’m an authority on anything, I’m just telling you what I find works for me and mine.

Follow Jazmine on Twitter @JazmineDenise.