Ask A Very Smart Brotha: Is Cheating A Disease?

Alisha: Where can I go to meet guys? I do not have any friends. The friends I do have are younger than me they are in their 20s. I’m in my 30s. Im not from here.. I’m tired of being alone and please don’t say online.

DY: Professional organizations, church, grocery stores, etc. Basically, get out the house and do things you like to do, and you’ll meet guys who are also doing those things.

Amber: Is it okay to date an ex- convict?

DY: Depends on the nature of the crime and the convict.

Valenchia: My husband and I have a very strange relationship. It feels more like we’re roommates. He has his money and I have mine. I pay my portion of everything and when we purchase anything for the house, I have to give him half of what it costs. We divide up the groceries so even that is 50/50. Money is a huge thing for him. I don’t have any, but he has money in three different banks, savings, stocks, and gold. He says he’s taken years to save that and he should be able to do whatever he wants with it. In the three years we’ve been married, he’s purchased a mini-yacht (that has yet to see the water), thousands of dollars worth of accessories to go with the boat, guns and ammo, a reloader and all kinds of things to go with that, a helicopter/drone (so he could see above the boat as we’re in it. In essence, he buys on a whim, whatever he wants. It drives me crazy, but I can’t say anything because it’s “his” money. What do you say about this arrangement. Am I out of line to be upset?

DY: This is a very strange arrangement. But, I’m assuming he was this way before you married him. I’m pretty certain these feelings about money didn’t just develop overnight. So, what is it about his behavior now that’s upsetting you that wasn’t upsetting you then?

Shay: How long is too long to wait for someone to propose? Should you ever decide leave even if you love them your happy but you want to get married?

DY: If you want to get married, and believe the person you’re with is not going to marry you any time soon, then you need to be with someone who wants to marry you

Dionne: How can you be in a relationship with no trust?

DY: You shouldn’t be.

Vella: How do you move on from someone you love but had to let go due to SEVERAL issues like lack of effort, motivation, fear, poor decision making, basically a mommas a boy? It still hurts although I feel I made the right decision early in the relationship.

DY: Keep reminding yourself of all those issues. And, also remember that the more time passes, the less you’ll think/care about him

Helena: I think it’s a “no brainer” but what is the significance of dating a man for 4 years and I never met his mother?

DY: If he has a bad relationship with his mother (which some people do), it’s understandable. But, if he has a good relationship with her, the significance is that you’re not that significant to him.

Arlene: Do you think “cheating” can be a disease? I mean like… No matter what, a person is not able to control the impulses for the sexual gratification…. Even though they are perfectly happy with home…

DY: No. Cheating is just that. Cheating. It’s not a disease or an illness. It’s just a person making the conscious decision to cheat.

Tiffany: Can I get your advice on this…. I moved in with my boyfriend (planned move in) and his mom was supposed to move out but she NEVER did. The entire 7 months I lived there I felt uncomfortable and did not do the things a woman should because his mom still was doing those things (washing clothes,keeping the kids, buying household things, etc) but he feels like I was wrong. She was the woman of the house for years before I moved in and I don’t have a dominant personality so I let her keep her role because I don’t think there can be 2 queens in one household. Do you think I should have taken over or not? ( I’m no longer living there, I have my own but he’s still living with his mom.)

DY: I think you need to find someone who’s not a grown-ass man living with his mom.