Thanks to the decline in societal morals and values, the quality of men continues to dwindle. Marriage-material can be hard to find and the hounds are like wolves in sheep’s clothing. When you meet that great guy (who respects women other than his mom, loves Jesus, would never hit you and doesn’t have any side chicks) it’s important not to run him away. Like you, he too, has other options.
On the other hand, some of us need to cleanse our love lives and send the dogs packing. So, whether you’re trying to shake a flea or continue to polish your gem, here are a few things to avoid or embrace that deter black men:
1. Quote Steve Harvey.
You may like (no, love) Steve Harvey and his books from the male perspective; but, guess what? Your man could care less. He doesn’t want to hear you quote Steve or discuss his show over dinner (unless he’s 43). To him, it’s a hint of truth and a whole lot of mumbo jumbo designed for you to over-analyze his behavior.
2. Let him know how much you hate when black men date white women.
Almost all black men are equal opportunity daters and most have dated or had a taste of white. They are well aware of how many black women feel about their (sometimes superficial among other things) relationships. Although there is some validity behind such sentiments, it translates to them as bitter. So, if you have a good brother, keep your comments to a minimum.
3. Get pregnant.
Gone are the days of “making things right” when a woman gets knocked up. For every one man who tries to cultivate a romantic relationship and create a traditional family unit, there are ten who scatter like roaches. Parenting comes with pressures; and, having babies, especially out of wedlock, only appears to drive couples further apart.
4. Talk about your friends’ relationship problems.
Girlfriends talk. We are women; we like conversation; and, that’s just what we do. Sometimes we subconsciously take on one another’s problems as our own. Though you may be appalled that your girlfriend Brittany got Derwin Davis-ed by her on-again off-again NFL beau, your man doesn’t care to hear about it. Men don’t pry into their friends’ relationships like women and would rather focus on what goes on under their roof.
5. Show up at his house, unannounced.
This lets him know you’re keeping tabs. Try putting a leash on a dog and he’ll run. Men with short-term intentions don’t like to address the girlfriend/boyfriend question and dance around titles with excuses. Probe, probe and probe about your future together, especially the timeline for marriage and you can be sure he will stop answering your calls.
6. Flaunt your education and independence.
Black men are tired of black women talking about their education and independence. They get it. You’re smart and you can take care of yourself; and, while men enjoy an educated, financially stable woman, it’s not number one (or two) on the priority list. Ready to be single? Keep stroking your ego and telling him how awesome you are and how much you don’t need a man for anything. That will make him feel useless.
7. Cut your hair and ditch the relaxer.
Think men can’t wait to get their fingers caught in some short, kinky hair? Guess again. Take your look from Halle to Henry and you might find yourself alone very quickly. Long and smooth or “good” and curly are rare exceptions to this rule.
8. Kiss a girl, like it or not.
You cannot get away with the same “youthful indiscretions” as Katy Perry. Black men (with the exception of T.I.) tend to hold true to the “lady in the streets; freak in the bedroom” mantra. Want to keep your relationship steady? Tone the party girl in you down a bit. Good guys don’t wife drunk, three-way kissing club rats.
Want to know more about LaShaun Williams? Check out her blog Politically Unapologetic, where she shares thoughts on relationships, race and culture. Follow her on Twitter @itsmelashaun.
