Why Single Black Women Stay Single

With all due respect, I feel sorry for single Black women. It seems like every time I turn around there’s some new article or TV special about how most successful sisters are destined to be alone. There are all these statistics about how many brothers are currently incarcerated, uneducated or unemployed, leaving slim picking for the average Black woman, who’s holding out for Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome.

Therein lies the problem. Any woman that believes that fairytale description is setting herself up for failure. First of all those descriptors only speak to physical attributes and not to the actual character of a man. The same can be said for the sister that looks down on a guy for being incarcerated, uneducated or unemployed. Sure those are far from ideal characteristics in any mate but who’s to say that people can’t change if given the chance.

One of my good friends went to jail for grand theft auto when he was a teen, but today he’s an established writer with a book on the way. Women swoon over this guy at first glance but as soon as they hear about his past they start giving him the side-eye like he’s no longer worthy of consideration. Ladies, y’all have to stop being so damn picky.

I’m sure someone read that last line and misinterpreted it as me saying women should just “settle” for what they can get. I’d never advise anyone to do that but I will tell them compromise is an essential part of any good relationship. There’s a stark difference between the two terms but a lot of women tend to get them misconstrued. Sisters need to realize that the man they want and the one they need might be two completely different individuals.

I come across sisters all the time with these long lists of requirements for their Mr. Perfect, but no man (or woman) is perfect so we’re all going to have to compromise on some things. Maybe your dream man won’t be as tall as you imagined, won’t  have the biggest muscles, didn’t graduate from an Ivy League college, or even be Black. Because if a short, skinny White guy can truly make you happy why dismiss him or any other man as a possibility? That’s a big reason for why so many Black women are single.

There are tons of options out there if you really just open your eyes up and stop standing in your  own way of finding true love. Look at Chilli from TLC. She’s a gorgeous and successful woman, but if you’ve watched her VH1 show What Chilli Wants you’ll understand why she’s still single. Sometimes you have to stop finding flaws in the men you come across and take a hard look at the woman in the mirror and see how you’re keeping yourself single by being so damn stubborn. Being picky does nothing but stop you from being picked.

For more from NWSO, check him out at NakedWithSocksOn.com