There’s a lot of good men in the world, a lot of good black men might I add, but I fear some black women are chasing the good black men away. Please don’t confuse my choice of words, “chasing away” as if black women are driving black men into the arms of women of other races. I simply mean chasing a good man away from yourself. What’s chasing black men away might you ask? Allow me to explain…
1.) Sisters with baggage from their previous relationships.
A new relationship is a fresh start, if you’re not over how the brother before did you wrong then there’s no need for you to try out a new relationship. Too many times our past relationships end in emotional turmoil that scars us toward the opposite sex. Before entering a new relationship we must heal those wounds so that we can give our new lover the chance at happiness they deserve. If your ex cheated that doesn’t mean your new beau will creep, give him a chance before you let that extra baggage destroy something that could turn out great.
2.) Sisters looking for Barack Obama who have yet to achieve their Michelle status.
Having standards is one thing, but this new Barack Obama standard is troubling for a number of reasons. Firstly, Barack Obama is in his late 40’s, so holding men in their mid twenties, even 30’s to his accomplishments is unrealistic. Our president is the sum of hard work and a strong support system, he didn’t come to Michelle as the amazing man he is today. So before you chase away the next “John Williams” or whatever his name is understand that the brother is a work in progress and with team work you too might end up being that power couple you admire.
There was a brother at the Madame Noire panel about “8 Reasons to Date a White Man.” He was a handsome brother who owned his home, drove a nice car, seemed to be well read. Sadly this responsible brother wouldn’t make the cut on most women’s lists because he does not have a college degree. What a shame! Here we have a great brother, looking to treat a woman like a queen and is very capable but because he’s missing that one criteria on your list, he’s been cut out of the equation.
3.) Sisters with an overly negative attitude towards black men.
Feminism or black women’s empowerment is one thing and I support my sisters fighting that struggle, our commitment to our women’s betterment has to be equal to their efforts. But blatant hatred towards black men is another. “black men ain’t ish/ black men are dogs/ black men are on the down low”. Oh these sisters are definitely chasing black men away. And when you converse with them, at their core they truly want the love of a black man. However they’ve allowed their insecurity about finding a good man manifest into negative attitudes toward all black men. The energy we put out is what we attract, so change the attitude or stay lonely.
4.) Sisters chasing the player or emotionally unavailable men.
Lastly, that bad boy image is played out. The player types just bring us back to issue #1 about baggage and insecurities that the actual good guy is a cheater too. Women are missing out on the good guy because they’re too busy chasing the “popular” guy who five other women are chasing too. There’s a fella sitting back right now watching someone he’s very interested in run around chasing after emotionally unavailable men while true love is staring at her. He’ll soon tire and she will have missed out on a great opportunity for love. Don’t let these issues stop you from meeting the man of your dreams and living that fairytale, because it can exist.
