8 Times You Don’t Realize He’s Being A Misogynist - Page 11

A misogynist can be very tricky to spot because controlling can look like caring. Manipulative can look like…well…lots of things because it’s manipulation, and sexism can look like chivalry. Here are 8 times you may not realize a man is being a misogynist.

Telling you he’s so glad you don’t just want to be a housewife

In an attempt to sound like he supports your pursuits and ambitions, a man might tell you he is so glad you want to be “more than just a housewife.” And you’re supposed to be flattered.

Why it’s misogynistic

Being a mother, wife and homemaker is a perfectly respectable role for a woman, or man, and one that truly makes some people happiest! For a man to say you don’t want to “just” be a housewife is to belittle a lot of women on this planet!

When he won’t step in and fight for you

Have you ever had someone talking trash to you or even threatening you at a bar or party, and just as you were expecting your guy to step in, he said, “She can handle this. She doesn’t need me just because she’s a woman.”

Why it’s misogynistic

In order to not be misogynistic, the guy would have to treat us as he would anyone, and if you were a guy, he would probably step in and help his buddy out in a fight! Refraining from fighting for you is still treating you differently because you are a woman.

Withholding sex so you don’t feel like an object

At some point, you might date a man that insists you two wait a long time to have sex, just so that you know he doesn’t see you as an object.

Why it’s misogynistic

If a man thinks he has to not have sex with you in order to show you he doesn’t see you as an object, then that means he just sees women he has sex with as objects. If he was really being reasonable, he would have no problem having sex with a woman because he knows he sees her as more than an object, and sex doesn’t change that fact.

“Only when I know a woman doesn’t want me for my money will I spend money on her”

Some guys take the approach to dating that, when first getting to know a woman, they’ll purposefully take her on super cheap dates, and once they know she isn’t after their money, they’ll reward the woman by spending more money on her.

Why it’s misogynistic

To say this implies that all women feel it is a “reward” to have money spent on them. And, it says the man lets stereotypical assumptions about women dictate how he goes about dating. A man should treat a first date the way he would treat anyone whom, to his knowledge, is a good person. If that means coffee, great. But if that means a $100 dinner, that’s what it should be. If a woman shows she’s after a man’s money, then he can just stop dating her altogether.

“Don’t hang out with her: you’re so much better than her.”

If you’re ever dating a guy who, after meeting one of your wilder friends tells you “you’re better than her”, don’t take that as a compliment.

“I’ll make this decision and take the stress of it away from you”

In a guise to look “considerate” and “helpful,” a misogynist might offer to make decisions for you—these could be as small as whether or not you’re going to your friend’s birthday to whether or not you’re accepting a promotion. They’ll tell you that measuring the pros and cons and making the decisions yourself will be too tiring for you, and they’ll “help” you by making it for you.

Why it’s misogynistic

HOOOOLD UP! That right there is a man telling you that life’s decisions are too hard for your “feminine sensibilities” and that he, with his “strong male constitution” is somehow more equipped to grapple those problems. Fight your own battles, make your own decisions, grapple with your own problems.

“YOU should have helped me more/it’s YOUR fault”

When your partner doesn’t get a promotion or doesn’t get a job, he might tell you it’s your fault because you didn’t help prepare him enough, or listen to him when he wanted to air out ideas. And you might think, “Maybe he is right…maybe I wasn’t a supportive enough partner.”

Why it’s misogynistic

Whether or not you helped him or didn’t help him is irrelevant—only a misogynistic man would think about that and point to that as the reason he failed. Only a misogynistic man would think that it was your job as a woman to support his ambitions. That’s not your job: it’s nice if you help, but it’s not your job.

He wants fights to end with you feeling guilty

If you date a guy and you do something that upsets him you might think it’s normal if he acts cold, or doesn’t answer your calls, or withholds affection/attention from you. You might tell yourself, “He’s hurt—he’s just reacting to that.”

Why it’s misogynistic

That’s not normal behavior! That’s childish behavior. A misogynist doesn’t aim to come to an agreement: he aims to make you feel stupid, wrong, bad, guilty etc. He wants to make you “repent” for not making his life as easy as possible, rather than have a rational, grownup conversation with you. He doesn’t allow you to even air out your side of things.