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Women do it all the time: when their man does one little thing that upsets them, they set a little trap to see just how far he’ll go. And then, when he falls directly into it, they get more upset. Admit it: when you say the next 15 things, you’re giving your guy a test that you know he’ll fail.
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You text him to say you’re going to bed
You haven’t gotten your goodnight call from him yet, and you’re waiting for it. So, to signal him to call, you send a text saying, “I’m going to bed. Have a good night!” He reads that as, “Okay she is in bed—I don’t want to wake her” and doesn’t call. And you get mad he didn’t take his last chance to call.
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You tell him you don’t need his friends’ help moving
He offers to organize his troops of friends to help you move, and you tell him you don’t want him to go through a lot of trouble—that it’s enough if he just shows up. And on moving day, you’re frustrated every single time you could have used an extra pair of strong arms to carry a couch.
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You tell him he doesn’t have to call during his trip
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You tell him not to worry about calling during his guy’s weekend away in Vegas—that you know he’ll be busy and you just want him to have fun. And then you make passive aggressive comments the whole week he gets back, because he in fact didn’t call.
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You tell him to enjoy alone time with his visiting parent
His mom is in town for a visit, and he briefly mentions trying to get the two of you together. But you immediately say, “Don’t worry about it! Enjoy alone time with you mom! You barely get to see her!” and are secretly offended when he then doesn’t arrange lunch with you, him and his mom.
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You tell him you don’t want a big display on Valentine’s Day
You tell him you think it’s a silly holiday Hallmark invented to make money, and that you think restaurants are unreasonably pricey on the holiday and you don’t need a bunch of flowers dying around your house. And then you think he is the worst boyfriend on the planet when he suggests the two of you just cook dinner at home.
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You tell him he should go to the party without you
You’re exhausted and want to stay home, skipping a party you two had planned on going to. But you tell him to go ahead without you! To have fun! To not stay home on your account! And you can’t believe it when he takes you up on it.
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You tell him you don’t want him to come over and comfort you
You’re going through something rough, you cry to him on the phone and he asks if you want him to come over. You say, “No no; absolutely not. It’s late. You have to get up early. I’ll be fine.” So he doesn’t come over, and you decide that because of that he doesn’t love you.
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You tell him it’s safe to talk about his ex
You tell him it would be a way for you two to understand one another better—to talk about what went wrong with your last relationships. You insist you won’t be upset by anything. So he opens up, and you’re jealous, paranoid and passive aggressive for weeks after.
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You tell him he can be honest about your flaws
You tell him you want him to tell you anything that bothers him about you—that you won’t take it personally and just want to have an open dialogue. And then you defend, argue and protest to everything he says—and you say some hurtful things yourself.
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You tell him if he needs alone time you understand
You tell him if he wants to just take a night to himself after a long day, that he absolutely can. Then you’re infuriated that he actually wants that, and wouldn’t want you around after a long day.
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You tell him you can eat wherever he wants
You tell him to choose wherever he wants to eat for date night, that you don’t care, that you’re game for anything. And you can’t believe how insensitive he is when he chooses a steakhouse when he knows you don’t like red meat.
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You tell him it’s totally cool he invites his friends on date night
You and he had a night planned on the town, and it turns out his buddies are at a bar down the street. They’re texting him, asking to meet up. You say, “Sure! The more the merrier!” but you can’t believe he is giving up his one-on-one night with you.
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You pretend to climax
Well, you’re just setting both of yourselves up to fail in this case! If you’re making enthusiastic noises to encourage him to keep going, he’s just going to think you’re all done. So he’s going to finish too.
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You tell him to host guy’s night at your place
You tell him you will be cool—that you won’t be offended by anything you hear them talking about, that you don’t mind if they make a mess, that you like all his friends. Then you grill him about some of the obscenities you overheard, and you get mad he invited that one friend you can’t stand.
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You offer to DD
You tell him to drink all he wants and that you want to DD that night. And then you get mad when he gets wasted.
