You can choose your husband, but unfortunately you can’t choose your in-laws. In-laws are the baggage each partner brings into the relationship. The baggage could be good, or it could be bad. Just the same, there are some people who are lucky enough to have in-laws that welcome them into the family with open arms. Then there are others whose in-laws are everything but welcoming.
So unfortunately, if your loving and supportive husband just so happens to have a family that’s comparable to the in-laws from hell, you still have to at least attempt a positive relationship with them, for the sake of keeping the peace within your marriage. You don’t have to be best friends with his sister, take marital advice from his mother, or even call his father ‘dad,’ but you should at least make the relationship as cordial as possible.
So how do you deal with these nuisances known as in-laws?
Kill Them With Kindness
This basic rule works like a charm in most relationships. Don’t let your in-laws see you sweat. Smile, speak, and remain as positive as you know how to, or at least fake it.
Don’t Criticize Them to Your Husband
Criticizing and bringing up the fact that there seems to be some friction between you and your in-laws is totally different. It’s okay to mention to your husband that you sense tension when they’re around or that you’re not sure if they approve of you. He may have some advice or consolation; but do not criticize his family to him (save that for one of your girlfriends). Most people don’t take it lightly when you talk about their ‘mama’.
Stand Up For Yourself
While you want to keep the relationship positive and not let them see you sweat, don’t allow them to run over you as well. Maybe it’s a test to see how tough you are. Or maybe they don’t even realize they’re being annoying. It’s okay to subtly demand respect.
Learn to Accept Them For Whom They Are
If you’ve tried to be more than cordial and develop a more interactive relationship with your in-laws and it’s not working, accept that they may come around or may never fully accept you. Sure you may want to be one big happy family, but still they’re not the ones you’re sleeping with at night. Accept that a ‘Huxtable’ type relationship may never exist between you and your in-laws.
Keep It Short & Simple
If every word that comes out of one of your in-laws mouth makes your skin cringe or the mere thought of them visiting makes your stomach turn, keep your conversations short. Remaining cordial sometimes means keeping it short and simple.
Become One of Them
This tip is for those who feel the strong desire to fit in with their in-laws. If you want to do more than keep it cordial, find out what their interests are and what they like to do. Engage in more family activities, in hopes that you ‘grow’ on them. Maybe they’ll like you once they know more about you. Maybe they won’t; but if you feel it necessary to extend yourself to become part of the family, attempt to be more interactive in their lives.
Seek an Unbiased Opinion
There is a teeny-tiny possibility that you may be over-reacting regarding your relationship with your in-laws. Maybe you’re trying too hard or not trying enough. Solicit the advice of someone who is equal to both parties. It could be a co-worker, spiritual advisor, etc. Just make sure that they won’t be biased or take sides; but instead provide you with unbiased feedback.
If All Else Fails, Keep Your Distance
So, you’ve tried repeatedly to have a positive relationship with your in-laws and it’s not working. You’ve allowed his mother to subtly criticize you without telling her what you really thought of her and her family. You’ve attempted to engage in family activities but they don’t seem to want you there. You’ve even asked your husband for advice, but nothing seems to work. If all of your efforts fail, keep your distance as much as possible. You don’t want issues to escalate or to feel unwanted. Do your part and hope that they come around.
