10 Myths About Single Black Moms - Page 8

Myths by Chaya Wilkins
Facts by Veronica Wells

The idiom “don’t judge a book by its cover” is rarely taken into consideration when it comes to single mothers. Most often, the assumption is that all single moms, especially those who are African American, have the same story—characters, plot line, ending, and all. And the media doesn’t do much to dispel the stereotypes that lead to these assumptions, in fact, most portrayals of ‘single black mothers’ tell the same old story.

Here are 10 myths about single black moms:

Myth 1: Single black moms have low-incomes: The ‘single black mom’ is most often portrayed as struggling and welfare-bound. She is not self-sufficient and because of this her children suffer.

Truth: Until you’ve seen or heard the reality of the situation with your own eyes and ears, reserve judgment. Many single, black mothers manage to maintain excellent jobs which allows them to support themselves, their children and anyone else she feels so inclined to bless.

Myth 2: A single Black mom raises delinquent children: Rarely does the media show a single black mother whose children can ‘do right.’ The child of a single Black mom is often portrayed as leading a doomed life filled with drugs, run-ins with the law, and illegitimate children.

Truth: Who among us doesn’t personally know someone who consistently overcomes obstacles, triumphs over any task and just so happened to be raised by a single mother. There are thousands. Never underestimate a black woman on a mission to raise a strong, successful child. Neither one of them can be stopped.

Myth 3: The single Black mom is just a ‘baby mama’: Most often, the assumption is that a single Black mom is and will always be a ‘baby mama’. She was not and will never be married and she is likely to continue to have children out of wedlock.

Truth: Many black women who have children out of wedlock do eventually marry the father of their children. When you have children with someone, you two will always share something and it’s difficult to walk away from that. Even if the mother and father of that particular child never get married, their situation may be beyond our understanding. The couple may not believe in a formalized, legal commitment, or more frequently the mother will find another man to marry.

Myth 4: Single Black moms are bad role models: Because they don’t have the “normal” family unit—mom, dad, and baby—many people assume that they are setting a poor example for their children and that their children are destined to do the same.

Truth: Single mothers can often serve as some of the best role models for their children. In any parenting situation, if the mother is honest, the child can learn from her mistakes, even if becoming a single mother wasn’t one of them. Portraits of single, black mothers often fail to include the possibility of death. Besides that, there are several single mothers who raise their children, obtain degrees, and serve as an inspiration for their children as well as others in their communities.

Myth 5: The father isn’t involved: When you’re a single Black mom—there is always the assumption that your child simply doesn’t have a father. As though, the child was just a product of some careless decision void of vows, love, or relationship.

Truth: There are countless examples of parents who aren’t together as a couple, but manage to stand as a united front when it comes to their children. If the parents are still together as a couple there are even more opportunities for him to bond with his children. Regardless of the situation there have always been black men who are invested in the rearing and nurturing of their little ones. This false assumption reflects poorly not just on black women but black men as well.

Myth 6: Single moms have unhappy children: Because single moms may not be able to provide for their child in the way that two parents can—the child is assumed to be unhappy, unfortunate, and pitiful because of its circumstance.

Truth: The reality is that there are plenty of unhappy children who live with both parents, under one roof. The fact is as long as the child’s environment is filled with love, support, and encouragement the child can thrive emotionally and there are black women who can provide that environment.

Myth 8: Single moms lack love: The assumption is that a single Black mom, can’t single-handedly take care of her household and provide substantial love for her children, therefore, the child of a single mother isn’t properly loved or nurtured.

Truth: Single mothers can receive love from a variety of places, whether it be from a man, their family and friends, or most importantly from their child.

Myth 9: The single mom failed herself and her child because she can’t keep a man: A single mother often bears the burden of being viewed as inadequate because she could not keep her family together. Regardless of circumstance, she is at fault for having to raise her child alone.

Truth: Raising a child without a father might not be the worst situation, if the father was only going to serve as a burden to the children and the mother. While psychologists say it’s best for a child to have a father figure in the home, that person should be equipped to take care of a child. If he isn’t, it’s better to grow up with a single mother.

Myth 10: Single black moms are designed to do it ‘alone’: The attitude that many single black mothers take is that they can do it by themselves, and while that might be true for some, it is not true for all. Single Black moms don’t plan to raise their children alone.

Truth: The support system for single, black mothers is often a force to be reckoned with. With grandparents, uncles, aunts and other family members the void of the absent parent can be soothed. At their best these people can help protect, guide, and nurture the child of a single mother.