11 Ways Women Can Protect Themselves

It makes sense that Philly is known as the City of Brotherly Love, because lately women’s safety hasn’t been a priority .  If we’re not playing the “Knockout Game”, we’re shooting women for their purses.  It makes no sense to me that women in my city are second guessing whether to wear their Kate Spade clutches after a slew of recent purse snatchings have left their victims injured or dead.  For so long we have been told not to fight and to just give the purse up, but even when 29 year-old Melissa Thomas did so, men still opened fire on her killing her and injuring her friend as they left West Philadelphia’s Tropical Heat nightclub last Sunday.

In a  Daily News article, Tyema Sanchez asks “Where are our men? Why are they not protecting us?” as it seems that the old school rules of protecting women and children are clearly being disregarded.  Sanchez is organizing a demonstration called Handbags 4 Peace as a response to the violence.

I think it’s important we don’t blame the victim or assume that these women could have done anything to prevent being attacked, but I do think we need to realize we live in a world where we can’t just sit around and wait to be saved. We can’t take for granted that because we’re mothers and daughters that the public is obligated to keep us safe or else we place ourselves in the same helpless position we’ve been trying to escape for the past century.  We have to watch our backs as much as our husbands and brothers, but we make decisions on daily basis that place us right in harm’s way.  Here are 11 ways we can try to avoid becoming tomorrow’s headline and save ourselves:

Move chick, get out the way.

And I mean that in the nicest way possible. Women have the tendency to get in their cars and spend time fixing their lipgloss, texting the BFF or looking for that Rihanna CD instead of just taking off.  Police officers advise that this gives an attacker a perfect opportunity to get into your passenger seat and put a gun to your head or worse.  Stop wasting time in parking lots and get yourself together while you’re inside so you can get in your car and put the pedal to the metal.

Tell your estrogen to chill sometimes.

Women are nurturers, so it’s only natural to want to help a lost child or an elderly man who needs directions, but keep in mind that criminals are crafty and will play on your natural inclination to be kind.  Sometimes the best thing to do is mind your business or refer to a security guard or police officer before you try to lend a helping hand.

Turn away from the tweet.

How many times have your found yourself with your head buried in Facebook while you wait for the train?  Or maybe you’re someone who can’t go to the mailbox without being engrossed in a phone conversation about Blue Ivy’s hair care. Your cell phone naturally impairs your awareness of your surroundings.  If you absolutely must text or call someone while you’re out and about in public make an effort to pay even more attention.  Invest in an ear piece so your hands can remain free.  Keep your head up and be aware of who is around you.  Invest more of your attention into your environment than your phone call.

There are times when your phone just might work in your favor though.  I’ll never forget this time I was walking home after having lunch with friends.  We were at a park earlier and approached by this creepy guy who looked like a straggler and he was rambling about Somalian pirates and asking us where we were from.  Don’t you know creepy guy rode up behind me on a bike as soon as I separated from my friends and was like 5 minutes from my house? I called a friend when I noticed him riding up slowly from behind me and told him where I was and to call the police if we got cut off. Your phone is good for more than Candy Crush and retweeting.

Stop making it rain in your Michael Kors.

I understand that everyone may not have a bank account and there are different situations where a woman might find herself carrying a large sum of money, but if you can, please invest in a RUSH card or something.  When I hear about women being attacked and robbed and thieves making off with $300 and $500 at a time, it always makes me wonder why the woman was walking around with so much cash to begin with.  If anyone were to rob me right now they’d honestly get a pack of Orbit, my electric bill and my class schedule.  In the event that you have to carry a large amount of cash with you, be discreet.  People are watching you when you pull out a fistful of $100 dollar bills and they’re not thinking, “Wow, she’s balling.”  They’re thinking, “How can I get the drop on her?”

Don’t be careless with your clutch.

A part of sister solidarity in me dies when I see women enter a training or a class and leave their purses behind to use the bathroom because they have this attitude of “We’re all in this together.” It’s sad that we have to live in a world where we have to view every stranger we come across as a suspect, but the truth is no matter how friendly someone seems to be you have a responsibility for your own safety.  It’s nothing personal.  Also, make it a habit to keep your purse, cell phone and other important items close to you so no one with sticky fingers can snatch your belongings.  I always say, if you’re going to snatch my cell phone, you’re going to have to feel me up to do it.

Your pepper spray can’t help you in your purse.

Knowing that you have a weapon to defend yourself may give you more confidence, but in all actuality it’s not going to help you if you need to dig through your day planner, lip gloss and Mentos in order to find it.  You can’t exactly be like, “Wait, Mr. Mugger.  Let me get my mace real quick.”  If you know you’ll be walking home alone put your pepper spray in your pocket and make other defenses quickly accessible.  Get your keys out your purse while you’re in the store before heading into a dark parking lot to try to lessen your time outside alone as much as possible.

Act like you aren’t afraid, even when you’re terrified.

Police officers and defense experts agree that confidence can be a big deterrent for potential attackers. Most attackers assume they can sneak up on you from behind or when you’re the most distracted.  Sometimes making eye contact, asking them for the time or even a quick “Hi, how are you today?” may be enough to throw them off their game or have second thoughts about if your crazy, confident behind is worth the trouble.

Know your neighborhoods.

In cities like Philly and NYC it can be easy to fall under the impression that certain neighborhoods are safer, but the truth is criminals come in all backgrounds and they too travel.  Use the same common sense in the suburbs as you would in the hood.  3:00 am is still 3:00 am no matter what zip code you’re in. May not be the best time for a run or to take the long way home alone from the club.

Get random with your routine.

This is a challenge for me because I’m directionally challenged, but if you can, switch up your routine every once in a while to throw off anyone who could be casing you. Get off two bus stops before your usual one or go down a different block. Get comfortable with going down different streets or parking in different spots.  In case there is someone lurking and planning to attack you when you’re most comfortable, switching up your routine makes it harder to predict where you’ll be and when you’ll be there.

Dress for Success.

There’s nothing I love more than a 5” platform pair of heels, but if I ever had to run for my life in my Steve Maddens, I’d be screwed.  I’ll never forget the time my fiancé and I went for a nature walk on a romantic weekend and I tried to pull out some booties with a little heel.  He told me, “If you don’t pull out your Timberlands and stop playing.”  You can look sexy and still be prepared for all kinds of situations.  Keep a change of clothes and some sneakers in your trunk in case you have to run from a burglar…or a bear.

Toya Sharee is a community health educator and parenting education coordinator who has a  passion for helping  young women build their self-esteem and make well-informed choices about their sexual health.  She also advocates for women’s reproductive rights and blogs about  everything from beauty to love and relationships. Follow her on Twitter @TheTrueTSharee or visit her blog, Bullets and Blessings.