Ask A Very Smart Brotha: Is It Ok To Date Your Baby’s Father’s Cousin

Annissa: Is it ok to date your baby’s father’s cousin?

DY: Is it ok in that it’s legal? Yes. Still, while sometimes you just can’t avoid drama, it’s not very smart to get into a situation with ready-made drama. I mean, there’s no one else you can date?

Tyranekia: I would love to know is there anyway to regain love when you feel it slipping away? Everything was his idea when its right but all my fault when its not

DY: If you want to “regain” love, then both parties have to be completely committed to it. If you want to and he doesn’t — or vice versa — it’s futile.

Tia: What are you thoughts about living together before marriage? I have seen a lot of couples either fail at the alter or don’t even make it there. I’ve been with my bf for several years and I am afraid to do it. Just wanted to know your thoughts.

DY: It depends on the couple. Co-habitation doesn’t cause anyone to break up. Issues that become more apparent with co-habitation causes it. At the same time, I don’t think it’s smart for a couple to do it unless they have a clear plan and timeline — and are both on the same page.

Teanna: Can you be just friends with a guy who you dated briefly and it didn’t work out but there are still feelings there for him?

DY: Sure, you can do it. But why? I mean, if you still have feelings for him, how are you going to handle it when he’s seeing other people…and telling you about it? If you’re cool with that scenario, go ahead. If not, I think you need to rethink your definition of “friend.”

Nadia: Is it ok to love two men at the same time? Does it make me a bad person when I cant control how I feel?

DY: It is ok, as long as you’re honest and upfront with both.

You can control your emotions, though. It’s hard to do, but you can do it if you want to bad enough.

A’keydra: I’m a college student approaching my senior year and I haven’t found that special someone yet. Nor have I yet encountered a man who is on my level. I keep getting interest from those who are so called “gangsta’s” but I want more. I’m saving myself so I can get the best but now I’m thinking are my standards too high? I’m starting to feel a little lonely because I hold men to such high standards but it’s hard because there is another woman readily to get what’s mine if I do bend the rules. But I firmly believe men do need these standards so respect will be built. What should I do in regards of being a single, black, educated woman wondering when someone will knock her off her feet then?

DY: Graduate, look for a job, find a job, and continue to do you and keep those standards.

NaToyia: A guy asks to take you out. States that there is something about you that he’s attracted to and would like to find out what it is. You give him your number, but every text is good morning or are you at work (we work at the same company in different departments), I try engage him in conversation but it falls flat on his end. He’s generally happy to see me at work, no question about it. Plans are designated to just Fridays as he has to be to work early (5-6 am) the rest of the week and he’s a single father. We haven’t been able to go out because of conflicting schedules, but I feel in between time we could at least talk and text to get familiar with each other. Is he really trying to get to know me or what?

DY: Because this is new, I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt here. He sounds like a guy who just doesn’t enjoy texting very much. Now, if this goes on for months — with still no date — then something is definitely wrong. But, if you basically just met the guy, I’d advise you to relax.

Sadonia: Should I trust him and should I stay? We’ve been engaged for a year. I love his mom’s side of the family and he’s so ambitious. He lives in NYC. I live in Minneapolis. We see each other every two months. When I went to NYC to see him I found clothing and toiletries for a female. He always has an excuse. I feel paranoid because of past relationships. I want to trust but I don’t want to be the fool again.

DY: Honesty, this doesn’t sound like a very healthy relationship. Forget about the toiletries. How do you get engaged with someone who lives across the country and you only see six times a year?

Joyce: Me and my boyfriend separated after a fight and he claim that he couldn’t find a place he can afford so know he’s roommates with a female that we both know and he swears nothing is going on. He still calls me even with her around and tell me he misses me But I dnt see him making any type of plans or moves so we can be together.Should I just go on with my life or make my own plans to get a place for us?

DY: Married couples separate. People who are just dating don’t “separate.” You break up.

Joyce: So why does he still call me and say he misses me? Maybe to see if I’m better off without him

DY: Those post-break up calls and text are common. As time goes on, though, they will decrease and eventually end.