Things Nobody Knows How To Handle About Booty Calls

We can’t all be Barney from “How I Met Your Mother”—for most of us booty calls are not an art. They don’t have an equation. They’re something we stumble through, just hoping to get maximum results with minimum drama. Here are 14 things none of us know how to handle when it comes to booty calls.

Do you let him sleep in?

If the guy slept over, and you have to get up unreasonable early, do you wake him up, knowing you both only went to sleep four hours ago and he might still be drunk? Do you let him sleep in, knowing that he might still be there when you get back, and that spills into dating territory?

Do you let him sleep over at all?

Is the guy even there in the morning in the first place? What if you have an absolutely no-sleepovers policy, but he is drunk after you’ve had sex, no cabs are available, or you know a cab ride for him would cost $70?

Do you offer him breakfast?

If you’re like me, you need breakfast the moment you wake up. You can’t wait a half hour while he showers and gets dressed. So, if you’re already enjoying your omelet when he comes to say goodbye, do you offer him food? How about food to go? Or does that feel polite and rude at the same time?

Do you sleep naked?

Even though you’re already having sex, there is something so intimate about spending 6 to 9 hours naked together not having sex. Some people feel you should put on pj’s right after sex to avoid the oh-so-intimate nude cuddling. Some feel you should absolutely be naked because, this is a booty call! Nudity is the uniform.

Do you bring something over?

You and your booty call probably do some drinking before getting it on. If you’re going to his place, should you bring a bottle of something? You might feel rude if you always meet at his place and drink his alcohol, but it starts to feel like a date if you bring a bottle of wine. But it feels like a high school hookup in the back seat of a car if you bring a bottle of cheap whiskey.

Do you cuddle?

Some of us can’t even fall asleep if we don’t cuddle after sex. And being as close as sex gets you, only to roll over and pretend the other person isn’t there right after for 8 hours, feels awkward. But many believe that cuddling should be reserved only for relationships.

Is there such thing as too much kissing?

There’s a reason escorts have the no-kissing rule: feelings can get involved. Is there such thing as too much kissing during a booty call? Maybe, but it’s also awkward to have to remain conscious of how much kissing you’re doing. The other solution is not to kiss, but that feels mechanical and then you get pulled out of the moment.

Do you talk about your day?

Not saying a word and just jumping one another’s bones the moment you see each other can be hot…or it can be awkward. Some people need a little mental stimulation to get turned on. Others feel like once you get into a conversation, you can get stuck there and it can be hard to transition to the physical part of the night.

Do you seduce?

You both know why you’re there, but there is something fun in the seduction. Some people enjoy having to win someone over, or having their booty call flirt with them, wine and dine them. Others think that spills over into date territory.

Can you buy toys/props?

Booty call sex should be great sex—you’re just in it for the sex so if it’s not great, what’s the point? Many people use booty calls as a place to try things in bed they’ve been to shy to ask partners to try. But, does that mean you can buy toys, edible lotions and props for your booty call? Or does that look like you were a little too presumptuous? Like you assumed this booty call would happen again?

Can you get mad at your booty call?

Sometimes your booty call is too wasted to come over, or he cancels at the last minute, or he doesn’t call you back. Are you allowed to get mad? Or do you have to understand you have no obligations to one another, and if you both happen to feel like and be able to meet up one night, great, if not, you have to let it go?

Can you have morning sex?

The purpose of booty calls is to have tons of sex in your life. So…having morning sex after someone has slept over would make sense, right? Or, is that weird because you’re in broad daylight and completely sober like a couple?

Can you plan it in advance?

This Saturday is your friend’s party and you know you’ll be drunk and horny at the end of the night. Might be nice to shoot your booty call a text today, four days in advance, just to make sure he’ll be available. Or…are you not allowed to contact your booty call on days other than the actual days you hook up?

Is it okay for your friend to drop you off there?

To what extent can you rope your friends into your booty calls? A friend would gladly drop you off at your boyfriend or girlfriend’s place whom you care for at 4 am, but will it bother them to go out of their way to drop you off to get some at 4 am, when they’re exhausted and just want to get home?