7 Questions Your First Date Will Ask You, And What He Wants To Hear

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We’re not saying that men are grilling you on dates— because they’re not looking for “right” answers per say — but they certainly want honest ones. Sometimes, though, your honest answer just isn’t, well, “right.” Here are 7 questions your first date will ask and what they’re looking for in your answer.

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“So, tell me about your job”

Anyone you meet in almost any setting will ask you this question, so don’t think your date will be an exception. But know that he’s not just looking for a title, rank, or job description.

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What he wants to hear

First and foremost your date wants to hear that you speak about your job in a positive tone. You spend most of your time at your job, and if it brings you down, then that means should you and your date get serious, he’s going to hear a lot of complaining out of you—and he doesn’t want that. He also wants to hear you mention a future job/position/achievement you’re looking towards, so he can know you don’t just look at your job as a way to pay the bills, but rather a passion. A person without passion becomes dull fast.

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“Are you spiritual at all?”

Uh oh! Does he have mommy texting him to make sure you’re a nice Jewish/Muslim/Catholic/Insert-religion-here girl? Not so fast—you may not have to change your way of life for this guy.

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What he wants to hear

This question is just meant to get you to talk about your morality. It’s the fasttrack way for your date to find out if you’re a “good person.” He wants to hear you ruminate on the ways you try to help others, and be conscious of your mark on the world. He just wants to hear that you think about those things at all. Whether or not religion helps you do that is irrelevant.

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“What do you like to do for fun?”

This question can make you feel like you’re back in kindergarten in a sharing circle, and you might feel stumped if you don’t have a “hobby.” But, you do have an answer to this question, whether you realize it or not.

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What he wants to hear

Your date isn’t asking you so that he can plan your next date. He is looking for what your likes/dislikes say about you. Your “hobby” could be totally bizarre, like watching elderly couples walk around the local botanical garden during their outing from the retirement community! That just tells him you appreciate relationships that stand the test of time, and you like the serenity of nature. Stay away from generic answers like “surfing” or “going to movies” unless you can explain how those activities make you feel, on a deeper level. If you just list off activities, your date will think you’re out of touch with your inner self.

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“What’s your family like?”

Most dates ask this completely innocently, expecting stories of an endearingly oblivious father, or a loving but overbearing mother, or a quirky, trouble-making sibling. But, of course, we don’t all live with The Brady Bunch and discussing our family isn’t always that pleasant.

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What he wants to hear

It’s okay if your family is made up of downright terrible people—really, it is! (Well, sorry to hear it, but as far as your date is concerned, it doesn’t have to be a deal breaker). All your date wants to hear is that you accept your family as they are, and you accept your relationship with each person as it is. If it sounds like you are in constant strife with your family, or they manage to get you worked up every day, then he foresees talking you down from a lot of yelling matches with your mom, or consoling you when you’re crying at family dinners. Nobody wants that responsibility.

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“Who are your closest friends?”

Okay you caught him: he’s partially asking just to make sure you have friends! But there’s more to this question than your date checking he won’t be your entire social life.

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What he wants to hear

There are several things your date is looking for in your answer. First off, he wants to hear that you’ve managed to maintain friendships for several years. It’s a red flag if you’ve only known each of your friends less than a year: what went wrong with the other friendships? Your date also wants to hear that you see friends on a pretty regular basis, so he knows you’re social, and won’t be dependent on him for company. He also wants to hear you analyze your friends, and talk about what traits you admire in them—it’s an easy way for him to get to know you better since we tend to run with people similar to ourselves.

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“What’s your relationship history like?”

It’s a nosy question, but a surprising number of people ask this on first dates. Take a deep breath before detailing the flaws of every past boyfriend.

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What he wants to hear

The most important part of your answer is this: you should sound at peace. Your date wants to see that you don’t cringe, or look at the ceiling, or change the subject when he asks you this. He wants to see that the question doesn’t evoke fear, nervousness or depression because that means you either have a ton of baggage, or aren’t totally over a breakup yet. He also wants to hear that you’re A) Not a serial monogamist and actually take time to yourself between relationships but B) Have actually been in a serious relationship or two, so he knows you’re datable.

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“Are you a partier?”

This question takes you back to high school, when you accidentally stumbled into the circle of cool kids drinking vodka out of Gatorade bottles in the parking lot who asked you, “You wanna party?” But, your date is a full-grown man.

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What he wants to hear

Honestly, there’s no knowing what he’s looking for! The “right” answer varies depending on your date. If he loves to kick it on the weekends, he might want to hear you’ll be his partner in crime. On the other hand, some guys who love to party want a girlfriend who grounds them, and will encourage them to go to bed early on a Friday night. Your guy might be totally sober, and cut ties with you if he hears you drink at all. He might be into recreational drugs, and want to know you’d at least be okay with that. Just be honest, or else you could find yourself dating someone you’re totally incompatible with. Partying habits matter.

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7 Questions Your First Date Will Ask -- And What He Wants To Hear