If a man doesn’t call when he promises he will, does that mean he’s just not that into you? Maybe what were fireworks to you were barely a flicker to him, but maybe he really is just busy. Have you ever found yourself in a relationship where you feel the need to over-analyze your partner’s behavior in an effort to decipher how he truly feels about you? The honest truth is that biologically men’s brains aren’t built with the best communication skills and women can sometimes misinterpret their intentions.
Sometimes we put so much energy into trying to play the mentalist, that we lose focus of the obvious signs. Here are some ways to figure out if that “what if” or “maybe” is a “yes” or “definitely” when direct communication just isn’t an option.
1) Maybe he will call
Whether you’re 16 or 26, in your dating life you will at some point experience waiting for that dreaded call that never comes. What happened? He approached you, you seemed to have a connection, he stored your number and then…nothing. Well actually, a couple of things may have happened. Consider the atmosphere in which you met. Sometimes phone numbers are exactly that: a numbers game. If you meet a guy in a nightclub or a mall that he frequents every weekend, then he may just be ensuring he has plenty of options. Also, remember that communication thing? Many guys aren’t the greatest at it. So if he hasn’t called he’s possibly chickened out or feels more comfortable shooting you an e-mail or text. So what can you do to get good use out of that Keyshia Cole ringtone? Try not to come off as desperate. Men can sense when a woman gets too excited about the possibility of a match, and this can be scary. It can also come off as insecure. In addition, if you’re confident in the connection, exchange numbers so that if he doesn’t call, then you can.
2) Maybe he’s more than a friend
It’s great when your lover is also your best friend, but can all friends be lovers? Many great relationships have started from two people being good friends first, but plenty relationships have failed for the same reason. Good friends can support us through difficulties, but sometimes during moments of weakness friendly consideration can be mistaken for the makings of romance. Are you physically attracted to this person? Would a chance at romance be worth risking the bond you already share? Are you interested in this person because you enjoy being with them or just enjoy being with someone? If you answered yes to any of those questions, you could be missing out on something more.
3) “Should I give him some?….Maybe”
This was the lyric lulled by a tempted Toni Braxton when considering giving up the goods on her song “Maybe”. When deciding whether a relationship should be taken to a physical level, it is important to consider if you’re having sex for the right reasons and if you and your partner are on the same page about what a sexual relationship should entail. Sex never makes anything easier, but many difficult situations can be avoided through direct and honest communication. Have realistic expectations and understand that sex doesn’t guarantee a commitment or emotional attachment. The sooner you ease your fears about protection and sexual values, the sooner you can have great stress-free sex.
4) Maybe we should take it slow
Infatuation can be a beautiful thing: Those butterflies flutter whenever he says your name and every song on the radio represents the greatest affair of all time that is now your love life. While your heart is bursting with joy, your brain is taking a big hit. Many scientists believe that the part of the brain responsible for critical thinking temporarily turns off when you start to fall for someone. If you’re considering combining finances or co-signing for big purchases that could possibly affect your credit before you even know his zodiac sign, think about this: If he’s willing to ask a stranger to help finance his lifestyle, why aren’t friends or family he’s already close with willing to do so? Those first few months can reveal many things about the ones to come. If he avoids talking about his sexual history, makes unreasonable requests as far as money, and seems in a rush to start the rest of his life with you, you might want to hit the brake.
5) Maybe he’ll commit
You’ve been dating for awhile and it’s getting to the point where you no longer have the strength to refer to your love interest as “the guy I am seeing.” “The Talk about Titles” can be a very stressful and intimidating event for a man because many believe once you give something a name it’s proof that you care. Many men will attempt to completely avoid it, while others would call their Blackberry their girlfriend if it cooked, cleaned and smelled nice. So how can you tell if he’s ready to make you the only one? Consider timing. If it’s only been 3 weeks into the relationship, more than likely he won’t be willing to give you your own drawer. When a man is ready to commit he’ll also begin to open up about his future plans, and even better include you in them. He may even begin to show more of an interest in what’s important to you. The best thing you can do is not make a big issue out of it. Be honest from the beginning (with him as well as yourself) if you’re looking for a relationship. Trust your gut if it’s a year later and you feel the situation has made zero progress. Keep in mind that while labels make it easier for everyone ELSE to make sense of your situation, only you and your partner truly understand what you both share. Focus on the important things: your happiness, if he treats you well and what you both agree works for your situation.
6) Maybe we should shack up
Building a life and making a home together can be a positive step in the right direction when it’s done at the right time; unfortunately many people choose to make this move in response to patching up an already unstable situation. When choosing to move in with someone, you should be prepared to carry the financial and domestic burden if for whatever reason the relationship fails or your partner is unable to contribute his/her share. Co-habitation should be a step to enhance a progressing relationship, not fix a stagnant one. Keep in mind that people have different living styles and when disagreements arise, you will no longer be able to run and hide for days at a time. Lastly, before you live with someone else, you want to make sure you can live with yourself. Have you proven you’re responsible and made significant steps towards independence like paying bills and managing a budget? If so, maybe it’s time to copy those keys.
7) Maybe he’s the one
Could it be that you’ve found the person who makes every other possibility non-existent in comparison? First and foremost, it is necessary that you are honest with yourself about whether marriage is something that you truly want. Marriage isn’t for everybody , and surprisingly most men are very honest when asked if they intend on building a long-term relationship with someone. It’s true: the best way to guard your heart is to believe what he says, not what you hope he might mean.
The important thing is to take time to truly tell if your partner is someone who you can literally grow old with. People naturally change physically, mentally and emotionally over time and it’s important to have someone who can commit to the good times as well as the bad. Your life partner should be someone who unconditionally loves and supports you and understands that your goals and needs may change through the years. Communicate about future plans like building a family, career goals and basic morals and values. You won’t agree on everything, but trust your gut. Like many have said before, when you’ve found the one, you kind of just know.
8) Maybe he’ll propose
Movies like “Wedding Wars” and “Leap Year” have shown the clever ways that woman manipulate a guy into putting a ring on it. Unfortunately, many men feel that this is the rule and not the exception and that through some kind of evil trickery, he’ll end up at Tiffany’s putting a deposit on a princess cut that’s worth more than his car. The problem is that many examples in media and society depict relationships as an obstacle course where a white dress, picket fence and “baby makes three” await at the finish line. Many men have expressed to me personally that marriage is more about the woman than it is for the man, and this opinion is only solidified by bridezillas who destroy everything in their path taunting the war cry, “This is MY day!”
First, it is important to understand the difference between a wedding and a marriage. If you’re only in it for the attention and flower arrangements, what you want is a beauty pageant, not a wedding. While a wedding is one day, a marriage may be forever and it’s important that you know who you are spending forever with. Next, understand how hard commitment can be for a man, let alone one that is recognized by the law. The more pressure you place on a man to propose, the farther it can push him away. Make it clear that good relationships are ones of progress and you won’t wait forever, but cherish what you have already. Lastly, make sure you want to marry for the right reasons; just because all of your girlfriends are running down the aisle, doesn’t mean you should join the race. Take a good hard look at yourself: Why would you marry you? Marriage should be the culmination of a stable relationship. When you are confident in your love you can concentrate on more important things like trains and tiaras.
9) Maybe we should try again
Your ex is your ex for a reason, but time can heal wounds and maybe that failed relationship can be rectified. Examine the reason why the break up occurred in the first place and ask yourself if it’s something that’s worth being worked through. We all make mistakes and sometimes a good relationship can be worth working through some conflict. At the same time, if most of the relationship was spent in conflict, loneliness can sometimes make us glorify the good moments to be more than what they really were. Be honest about whether you truly miss your partner or whether you just miss partnership. History can’t be undone, but time and forgiveness can give you a different outlook.
10) Maybe it’s over
A relationship should enhance your life more than inconvenience it. If you find yourself crying more than laughing, constantly fighting and forgiving and breaking up to make up on the regular, then your arrangement is probably past its prime. People often invest time and energy into failed relationships hoping that if they want it bad enough and work hard enough, it will eventually improve. The truth is that some people are just not meant to be together and that isn’t necessarily anyone’s fault. Sometimes the best way to improve a relationship is to end it.
