15 Things People Say To Be Polite

How many times have you been greeted with a, “Hey, how are you doing?” from a barista, a security guard or someone riding the same elevator and replied with another, “Hey, how are you?” You do realize you didn’t answer the question, right? It’s probably because you don’t care.  You were just being polite and that doesn’t always have to be a bad thing, but every once in a while, maybe we should actually try thinking about our responses so that our interactions, no matter how small, could have more meaning.

I don’t know if it’s our constant exposure to social networking or our culture growing more and more apathetic that has caused us to fill our days with defaulted, programmed interactions.  We can’t go around making it rain compassion and interest on every stranger we pass on the street, but sometimes it wouldn’t hurt to be a little bit more human and say things not just because they sound nice, but because we actually give a damn.  Next time you utter one of the following phrases, take a few minutes make sure it’s because you actually mean it.

1. You can call me anytime.

The co-corker you bonded with over decaf and Devious Maids spoilers has given her two weeks notice and you’re pressing the elevator button for her as she wrestles with her spider plant and a box of bobble heads and picture frames.  Life will go on, in no time you’ll be chatting it up with the new receptionist and for the most part, your decaf date will be out of sight, out of mind.  Are you really going to pick up when she calls during your bi-weekly pedicure or are you going to send her straight to voicemail?  Be careful who you give access to your personal contact information.  Some people can’t tell a real friend from someone who just passes them the Sweet N’ Low.

2. Do you need a ride?

I have issues with being lost or stranded so I always nominate myself as chauffeur when I’m out with friends to make sure everyone gets home safely.  But the other day an intern who was perfectly happy with taking two buses to get to our office asked me to give her a ride two blocks away from a site we were visiting, and I had to reassess my willingness to give.  It wasn’t raining or bad weather and the ride would have taken me further from my destination.  There is nothing wrong with telling someone to be careful riding the train, especially when they aren’t giving up any gas money.  Better that than you huffing and puffing behind the wheel because you’re now driving 20 minutes out of your way to somewhere they probably could have gotten to faster on their own two feet.

3.  My door is always open.

But is it?  With so much emphasis on people “being fake” and “no new friends,” some of us are going extra hard to prove our loyalty.  The problem with being dependable is that some friends think that it’s an invitation to bring you the same drama and problems repeatedly.  The truth is, my door isn’t always open.  You and your problems are welcome to visit, but when you both begin to wear out your welcome I will be getting my bolt lock and ADT on.

4.  Everything is going to be okay.

Unplanned pregnancy?  Death in the family? Flat broke and unemployed? We aren’t doing anyone any favors by telling them everything will be okay because somehow unexplained forces in the universe will save the day.  At a certain point people need to hear, “Yeah, you’re pretty unprepared for life as it is, a baby is just going to make it more difficult,” or “Losing someone sucks and you’re not handling it well. Maybe you should talk to a professional,” or “Look, you need to get a job, any job.  Your car note doesn’t care if you’re dropping fries to pay it.”  Everything can be okay, but it requires some effort from that person as well.

5.  It’s not you, it’s me.

Relationships don’t always work out, but give that person a chance to make the next one a little better.  With you telling them it’s you, and not the fact that they were selfish, inconsiderate and unmotivated, you’re not allowing them the opportunity to work on themselves so that they can work it out with someone else.

6.  Pay me back when you get it.

You shouldn’t be lending money you can’t afford to lose, but that doesn’t mean you have to end up a plaintiff on the People’s Court.  If you really care about your friendship, be clear about your loans and get things in writing.  Being too polite about your money will almost always turn you into a more of a bill collector than a best friend.

7.  Take your time.

By the time your girl decides between the body-con mini or the maxi dress, the club will be closed.  Patience has always been a struggle for me, but people need deadlines and when that doesn’t work, they need to get left behind.

8.  It’s not a problem.

But you know what is? The fact that because you forgot to cancel, now I lose my deposit for this trip. Stuff happens and people won’t always be able to follow through on their word, but that doesn’t mean you have to pay for their problems.  If you are seriously inconvenienced, you’re not being a jerk by expecting to be compensated.

9.  There is no such thing as a stupid question.

Uh, yes there is, and they include asking about things that were already mentioned that you missed because you were checking your IG notifications.  They also include asking for directions or information that is clearly posted on signs.  It irks me to no end when people ask questions because they were too lazy to listen or read what’s directly in front of them.

10.  I will call you right back.

I’m not going to call you back…at all…for the rest of the night.  I just don’t feel like hearing about the text messages you found in your man’s phone from his co-worker again.  There is an episode of The Walking Dead on and Carl lighting up the undead is way more entertaining than the nonsense you want to over-analyze on a daily basis.

12.  Hey, how are you doing?

How often have I walked into the office and shot this at a supervisor or been greeted by a sales associate to completely ignore the question and just repeat it?  Sometimes you are just having a sucky day and it’s okay to say so instead of serving a fake, “I’m fine,” or “I’m good.” This way everyone has fair warning to stay the hell out of your way for the day.

13.  I’ll think about it.

Whenever someone tells me they’ll think about something, I automatically assume it’s a no.  When it comes to certain things in life, if you’re not jumping in feet first with a confident, “Yes,” then it’s not something you should do. Stop giving people the run around about things you know damn well you have no intention of doing to avoid confrontation.  That time you spent trying to talk your inner flake out of saying no is time they could’ve spent finding someone who is more than happy to help them.

14.  That doesn’t look bad.

You pop out of the dressing room in some low-rise dark denim that you feel your butt cleavage will erupt from if you blink only for your friend to say, “That doesn’t look bad.”  Unfortunately, some women take this to mean it looks good.  It doesn’t.  What it means is that while someone may not be turning off the shutter sound on their camera phone to clown you on IG, it doesn’t mean you’re shutting it down either.  “It doesn’t look bad,” almost always means it doesn’t look good.

15.  It was nice meeting you.

You meet someone just long enough to know that they’re not looking forward to snow, live in the area and you have a mutual acquaintance.  It’s one of those shallow social interactions you have with a friend of a friend, a prospective employer or your UPS delivery guy.  Was it really nice meeting someone you may or may not ever see again?  You barely know them.  I mean these interactions don’t exactly suck, but most of them aren’t life changing either.  Before I tell someone this again, I’ll need at least 10 minutes of profound conversation.

Toya Sharee is a community health educator and parenting education coordinator who has a  passion for helping  young women build their self-esteem and make well-informed choices about their sexual health.  She also advocates for women’s reproductive rights and blogs about  everything from beauty to love and relationships. Follow her on Twitter @TheTrueTSharee or visit her blog, Bullets and Blessings.