Sex on the first date is typically a bad idea, for a myriad of reasons. For starters, the sexual double standards that our society holds so dear: a woman who “gives it up” too fast has to be prepared to be called a Slore or to lose her chance at a lasting romance with the same person who was just as willing to have sex with her on the same day. And even if the gent in question isn’t so old-fashioned as to lose respect for you, if the sex isn’t particularly great, one or both of you may be immediately done with something that actually could have had some potential. Furthermore, as most people in general aren’t as communicative as they should be as it relates to sex and dating…and it’s even harder to be when you don’t really know each other yet…there’s the potential to have some major confusion, frustration and annoyance. As a rule of thumb, I don’t advocate first date sex. HOWEVER, there are a few instances in which the risk can reap a reward:
1) When Sex Is All There Needs To Be, Period: Have you ever met someone who was good looking and nice enough, but didn’t have anything else you wanted aside from sex? Some times you can figure this out before even exchanging numbers, but at others, it might not be obvious until you peep the awkward silence after ordering your entree. Perhaps there are some lifestyle factors that wont work: you’re a high-fallutin’ career woman and he’s a starving artist. He’s got three children, you aren’t interested in being a step-mom. You’re moving to LA, he’s staying put in Wisconsin. You realize that he’s not gonna be the one cradling you in his arms in a Jet wedding announcement…yet, there’s still something about him that you want: sex. If both parties can make this work without any drama, then a first night hookup might not be the end of the world. Hopefully, it will lead to a second or third or ‘until I find someone I want to actually be with’ situation.
2) When You Already Know Each Other: If you’ve been friends with someone for a long time and have felt your respective feelings grow deeper, then first date sex might not be the worst thing you can do. Again, it’s not something I’d suggest planning ahead of time if you wish to have a serious relationship with this person; however, an accidental rushing of affairs might not sink your romantic ship if you’ve already spent lots of time together and established a certain level of respect. Since you’re already friends, you either know that the other person doesn’t have first date sex on EVERY date…or you’ve decided not to care.
3) When Both Parties Are Honest About Their Expectations: The Andre 3000 skit “Where Are My Panties” features the rapper wondering if his one night stand is the one: “I don’t care nothing about her giving it up on the first night; that just mean she know what she want outta life!” As many of us can attest, some brothers may say something like that in order to get it popping and then have an entirely different attitude all together. However, if you both keep it entirely real about what you’re trying to do, then you can hopefully end up with an outcome that suits everyone.
