15 Things Your Man Doesn't Want To Hear About Ever

Even the greatest listener tunes out when you start talking about these female-favored topics. Here are a some things your man doesn’t want to hear about — not now and not ever.

Your friends’ drama

Your boyfriend does not need to hear about how Kiera said something about Joan’s boyfriend and now they’re not talking and Crystal doesn’t know what to do because she wants to invite them both to her birthday.

The details of your dad’s colonoscopy

It’s nice that your boyfriend remembers that your dad had a colonoscopy and asked how it went. He doesn’t need to hear about exactly what they found in there. Any grotesque details related to somebody’s medical procedure other than your own—he doesn’t need to hear that.

Your mom’s menopause

Even if her menopause has the two of you fighting all the time, he doesn’t need to know that she is having “dry” problems so her and your dad aren’t having sex and she’s cranky, and that her hot flashes have her and your dad fighting over the air conditioning.

Your lady time

In case you haven’t learned yet, men don’t want to know that you’re having a heavy or light day, or that you saw a weird color in your underwear this morning, or that you like the smell of a new tampon line.

How many times your sweater was marked down

So you saw it at Bloomingdales two weeks ago for $168, it went on sale to $100 but you still weren’t sure. You went back the next day and there were none left. But then you found it in the next town over for $70! Your boyfriend just told you you look hot in it. He didn’t want that earful.

How your new workout makes you feel

“When I trained with Chris I would feel really weak the next day, but then I switched to seeing Joe as a trainer and that was good but I was getting too bulky. Now I’m doing combination Pilates/boxing and my lower body feels really strong but I get tired in the afternoons.” All he wants to know is that your body looks good.

The progression of boyfriends

You’ve learned a lot from the men you’ve dated—about yourself, about relationships, about men, about people and about life. You  probably learned enough to write a ten page paper on it. Don’t force your boyfriend to hear the oral version of that paper. Just tell him he’s the best boyfriend you’ve ever had. Period.

How wild you used to be

He suspects you had your wild days and did some things he’d rather not hear about. That’s the point: he’d rather not hear about it. Right now, he has some vague ideas. Don’t provide him with disturbing visuals.

How stupid your friend’s boyfriend is

If you go on about how your friend’s boyfriend masturbates too much or plays video games all day or drinks six packs every night, your boyfriend is probably thinking one of two things: “So do I…” or “I wish you’d let me do that!”

How rude somebody was to you today

If it’s someone significant like your boss, fine. But don’t vent about the rude coffee barista or teenager who made your sandwich or crosswalk patrol. This just makes you sound like you let little things ruin your day.

Your friend’s Facebook status

Even if it makes you laugh out loud, it’s not funny to him. He can’t see it, and he doesn’t want to stop what he’s doing to walk across the room and look at the status of someone he barely knows, if at all. He has his own Facebook newsfeed to look at.

How you cooked something

Call them old fashioned, but most men don’t want to hear about the 23 steps involved in the lasagna you’re feeding them. Unless they are passionate chefs themselves, the information is just overwhelming and they feel like they’ll be quizzed on it later.

How another man disrespected you

If you complain to your boyfriend about a guy who was creepy towards you, or very forward with you, or offended you, he just gets frustrated: he can’t do anything about it now!