10 Ways to Avoid Complicated Relationships

1) Recognize the Warning Signs: He’s got a contentious relationship with Baby Mama Number 1, Baby Mama Number 2 still wants to be with him, but he’s not even sure the kid is his. Oh, and he kicks it with the last girl he dated, all the time…but just as “friends.” He might be as nice as pie, but I have a sneaking suspicion that a relationship with him might just come with some complications. When a lady or gent has a lot of pre-existing drama that relates to romance, it’s a pretty good chance that your relationship won’t be so different. He may want to tell you how every woman before you just happened to be crazy and that’s not his fault. Just remember, to paraphrase one of my good homeboys: “the only common denominator in his past relationships is him.”

2) If You Aint With It, Quit It: If you have no children, no shared property and no financial stake in this relationship, when you see that the two of you are no longer able to get along…you should be on the first thing smoking. Don’t prolong the inevitable. People love to stay in relationships past their expiration date just to say they aren’t alone or to try and make things work because they’ve invested a lot into the union. But not everything that’s broken can be fixed. If it looks and feels irreparable, it very well may be. Go.

3) No Tit For Tat When It Comes to Love: If one partner is caught cheating, and the other one goes out to commit a revenge act, can someone explain to me why the relationship is continuing? If you suffer some sort of hurt or indignation at the hand of your lover and find that your first reaction is “revenge,” then a better solution would likely be “breaking up.”

4) Be Honest From Day One About Your Intentions: If person A is looking for a casual pairing, but Person B is looking for long-term monogamy, they probably shouldn’t date. If both people decide to ignore this mismatch and proceed, you very well likely will end up with two very unhappy campers when someone starts to feel shortchanged or smothered. Don’t try and put a square peg into a round hole just because she’s fine or you’re lonely.

5) COMMUNICATE: Drama and conflict are often times the result of poor communication. You should always feel safe sharing your feelings and you need to make sure your beau or lady feels the same way. Silence can speak volumes, but it doesn’t always tell the truth.

6) An Ex is Called an “Ex” For a Reason: While there are cases of former lovers maintaining healthy, platonic friendships post-breakup, more often than not, that isn’t the case. Keeping fomer flames around past their expiration date is a good way to bring unneeded trouble to your current situation. If you are able to have a healthy, drama-free friendship with an ex, make sure your new partner is aware of it; hiding it makes you look automatically guilty.

7)Keep Private Matters Private: If you know that telling your big mouth cousin about your beau’s erectile “issue” could result in her shouting out “that’s why your package don’t work!” when he beats her at Spades, then for the love of your lover, DON’T! Some matters should remain between two partners and the others should be shared with discretion and with people you can trust.

8) Wear Protection If You Aren’t Trying To Make A Baby: You know what’s a surefire way to complicate a relationship? An unwanted pregnancy. What’s another one? An STD. While condoms are not 100% foolproof, going without them is proof that you are a fool. MESSAGE!

9) No Fighting For Sport: Do you like arguing? If so, consider joining a debate club or going to law school. If you don’t, then be mindful of the things you allow yourself to carry from “I disagree” to “listen to me or pay with your life!” Arguments are inevitable, but when they grow to be the calling card of your relationship, it’s time to reconsider something–be it how you communicate or how much longer this party needs to continue.

10) Don’t Sweat The Smallest Stuff: Your beloved one doesn’t need to hear about their every minor mistake, nor every single thought that crosses your mind. Keep some of your criticisms and musings to yourself for the sake of keeping the peace. This doesn’t mean you let big problems slide, but if you seem like an endless wellspring of complaints and corrections, you probably aren’t doing much for your lover’s self-esteem.