Why Being More Patient In Love Could Get You Married Faster

Not only is patience a virtue, it could make the difference between you being single forever or ending up with your lifelong partner sooner than you’d even imagined. The truth is, rushing things only tends to set you back. You could probably look at your dating history and find that to be very true. If you looked a little closer, you’d see that these are 14 ways being more patient could have saved you some heartache.

Let your head keep up with your heart

You want to find love, and that’s a problem. Yes, it is, because we see what we want to see and if love is what you’re looking for, you’ll think you see it in any half-decent guy. If you get caught up in the idea of having someone to take trips with and take home to your parents, it might be too late when you finally realize you’re not actually compatible. Playing house is fun with anyone for a while—usually long enough to get your heart tangled up in something it shouldn’t be. Take things slow so you can see things clearly, without your enormous expectations interfering.

Let your head keep up with your body

You may not be a teenager but you’re still very much controlled by your hormones. And if you’re lucky enough to be dating a guy who is giving you great orgasms, then you’re also unlucky enough to be dating someone who you’ll feel super attached to, super quickly. That’s because a hormone is released when you that makes you feel very bonded to the person who gave you said . What you think is love might just be great sex. So don’t make any grand decisions, like moving in together, until the novelty of the sex has worn off.

Deal breakers can stay very hidden

There are many deal breakers that just don’t come up in every day conversation. And that won’t come up for hundreds of days. Some couples are going along, thinking everything is perfect, until a discussion over a pack of gum leads them to discover they have conflicting points of views on something that will be crucial to them getting along. Give yourself enough time to turn over every stone.

Your life won’t pause for you

If you think you can throw all your energy into your relationship—all your time and attention and emotions— thinking you can get back to your work and friends later, you’re wrong. Those things will not wait for you. Somebody else will get promoted at work and somebody else will step in to hang out with your BFF. You need to make a point of balancing it all from the beginning. And spending six nights a week with a guy does not let you do that.

Point of view

Remember, you see the world through your frame of reference; your past experiences, your memories, your upbringing, your traumas and so forth. Whenever you feel upset with a guy, and think you want to end things over something he’s said or done, pause for a minute and think about where he is coming from. Point of view is everything in relationships and too many end prematurely because nobody was seeing things from the other person’s point of view.

Emotional clarity

We’re women; we feel before we think. It’s just true and it’s not always a bad thing. Our intuition gets us far in life, but when it comes to love, our emotions are the one thing that can lead us astray. Decisions (decisions to move in together, to break up, to bring up an issue) shouldn’t be made out of fear of being alone, or personal insecurities, or anger or pain. But these fears all tend to be louder than our rational thoughts. The bigger the decision, the more time you should allow for your emotions to subside before you make it.

There will be plenty of fights

If you’re going to argue because a guy is fifteen minutes late, you’re going to have a miserable life because as far as arguments go, you ain’t seen nothing yet. There will be rent and mortgages and bills and in-laws and children and health insurance to argue about. Think about that when picking your battles. And don’t pick the small ones. You want issues? Life will give you issues. Promise.

You’re considering a life partner

So you’re having fun right now. And you could see the two of you being happy for a few years. What about beyond that? Could you see this man stepping up his game if life gets difficult? Could you see yourself happy to hang out with him every day? Could you see the two of you living harmoniously under the same roof? It’s okay if you don’t know that the answer is yes. But if the answer is no…what are you doing in that relationship? Ask yourself all of those questions before making any big decisions.

You can sleep off most things

Seriously. Seriously. Don’t pick a fight right before bedtime. These are usually provoked by crankiness, and escalate as you get sleepier and crankier. Everything seems worse when you’re tired. You’d be amazed how many problems a good night’s rest can fix. So even if you feel you have to pick a certain fight, just wait and see if you still want to tomorrow.

Men don’t respond to yelling

Men seal up and lock up like a vault when yelled at. If saying something now will mean yelling, go for a walk, go back to your own apartment, call a friend and vent, but wait until you respond to something upsetting your partner has done or said. If you yell, it might be a week before your guy gives you his audience again.

He holds his tongue more than you know

Men’s constitutions just can’t handle emotional strife the way women’s can. We can get in a fight with our best friend and be over it in a day. It turns a man’s world upside down to get into an argument with a girlfriend. Which is why—just so you know—men hold their tongues a lot. More than you could ever imagine. There have been hundreds of times you’ve pissed him off and he’s chosen not to pick the fight. So think about that next time you’re about to pick one. He hasn’t been peaceful because you’re perfect; it’s because he is patient.

One day is just one day

If he decides to sleep at his own place tonight, or postpone date night, or fails to call you one day, just remember one day is just one day. In the big scheme of things (you know, a lifetime with this person) it’s nothing. It’s barely a blip in the time line. But fighting about it could mean the end of the timeline! If things are moved around or changed for just one day, let it go. Consider it a glitch.

One month is just one month

If you wish your guy were incorporating you into his life more, introducing you to his friends and family, bringing you to every event he attends and spending five nights a week with you, just know that men don’t incorporate someone into their life quickly. And to a guy, a month of dating somebody is nothing. If he’s still only seeing you once a week after six months, then you can worry.

Men work on a show don’t tell policy

If you wish he’d talk about his feelings more, asking him to do so won’t get you anywhere. Expect perhaps dumped. It’s a shame, but most men aren’t comfortable sitting down and counting the ways they love you. They’d rather show you by helping out around your house, spending time with you, and giving you physical affection. If that’s all there, then cut him some slack on the sentimental talk. It’ll come later. If you wait.